Wednesday 24 January 2018

Kevin Myers: Tram for eco-warriors is like a papal visit for the Church: it must proceed regardless

Good morning, and as the election campaign starts what seems like its third year, welcome to the only guaranteed politician-free, candidateless part of this newspaper.

Please leave your political baggage with the attendant at the door. You are free to browse around these paragraphs, to toy with my adverbs and fondle my adjectives to your heart's content. Moreover, you are under no obligation to buy any of my locative pronouns, no matter how much you caress them. If you see a subordinate clause of which you are particularly fond, you may lick it at no extra cost, provided you are over 17, the age of consent nominated by our ridiculous political class.

But the moment you raise any political questions, my two faithful attendants -- Boris, from Chechnya, where he is wanted on a baseless charge of cannibalism, and Adesina, who faces wholly unwarranted allegations regarding chainsaws and human heads in Nigeria -- will turn you into an organ-transplant display-cabinet.

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