Tuesday 23 January 2018

Kevin Myers: Climate change shrouded in a smog of 'facts'

If it's winter here, the global warming conference must be in the southern hemisphere. And yes, of course, it's in Durban, whither thousands of global warmists are now flying, in order to confer at colossal expense and tell us to cut our carbon dioxide emissions, or else. Else what?

Else, they'll have another global warming conference even sooner than scheduled -- maybe next summer, in Cannes, or Split, or San Francisco, or Sharm-El-Sheikh. Though maybe not there, because the Muslim Brotherhood will then be running Egypt, and who wants a climate control conference without booze?

Email is the swiftest and cleanest means of communication in world history. But far more importantly for those who wish to swap ideas about global warming and the evil USA, email has no beaches. It has no topless lovelies with a pubic postage stamp for public modesty, with a pina colada for one to sip upon while one gazes upon their winsome undulations. Email has no nightclubs where delegates can gather after soaping off their weddings rings, there to begin the smooch-n-snog-n-shag cycle that makes global warming conferences essential for those who wish to save the planet (naturally, I exclude the Hibernian delegates, whose austere and vegetarian celibacy makes even Gandhi seem like President Zuma on Viagra). But if only email had beaches, our eco-warriors could share their thoughts that way, thereby sparing the world the airliner-laid carpets of stratospheric condensation and carbon dioxide to Durban and back. But where's the fun in that?

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