Opinion Kevin Myers

Thursday 19 September 2019

Kevin Myers: Only an O'Leary would be able to make HSE work 

THERE are certain states about which any allegation is just about believable. If Reuters was to report that North Korea had embarked upon a plan to tow icebergs from the North Pole to Antarctica, one would nod one's head and declare: sounds like North Korea all right. If we reported that Robert Mugabe had announced that he was to annexe Chile and Tibet, no one would doubt he'd said such things. There is a third state in this world, about which any assertion, no matter how absurd, is believable: the HSE.

Kevin Myers: 'Let's make it unconstitutional to hold referendums' 

HAVING authorised the constitutional guarantee that children in Ireland shall henceforth live in a perpetual paradise guaranteed by that most august of institutions, the Irish State, we have just enough time to pass another constitutional amendment to celebrate the 75th birthday of the implementation of Constitution on December 29. It is this. "Any further attempt to alter, improve, modify, ameliorate, liberalise or in any way modernise this Constitution shall be considered an Unconstitutional Act, for which offenders shall be...

Kevin Myers: It's time we saw the wood for the trees 

PLAGUES spread. That's why they're plagues, and not "outbreaks". The British Ministry of Agriculture did not act on the first warning about the calamitous disease afflicting Danish ash trees, and now it is too late. The fatal fungus that causes "ash dieback" has been found in several sites in the east of England: the toll knells across the English countryside, just as it did 40 years ago with the arrival of Dutch elm disease. Back then, it was assumed -- or at least hoped -- that Dutch elm disease would not cross the Irish Sea. We know the bitter...

Kevin Myers: What do Austrian children want to be? Pensioners 

FELIX Baumgartner is the Austrian madman who last weekend jumped from 24 miles above the earth -- from Naas to Dublin city centre, say -- to make the world's highest parachute jump, during which his body speed exceeded 824mph: 30pc faster than a jetliner. Though his name is the embodiment of the Alpine idyll (Baumgartner means orchard gardener), he is personally the very rebuttal of the Austrian chocolate box image of neat Tyrolean meadows, strudel and edelweiss.

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