Who will save us from ourselves?
Ah, you know the feeling - you're doing your shopping, picking up some basic provisions and before you know it you've spent all your money on booze. You didn't intend to buy all those bottles of wine and you have no idea why you have two slabs of cheap beer in the back of your car. All you wanted was to get a few things for dinner but there in front of you, impervious to your resistance, was the booze aisle and when we see booze, we just have to buy it, don't we?
If only someone would remove such evil temptations from our sight. If only there were some people out there who are much smarter than us oiks to save us from ourselves.
But wait! What's that noise I hear in the background? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Um, not quite. It is Frances Black (pictured above) and she will save us all!
For some inexplicable reason, someone appointed the singer to the Seanad, and now she seems to think she's a politician, as if being a member of the vestigial tail of Irish politics is something to boast about.
Black has been busy propping up the remarkably silly proposals to place all alcoholic beverages behind a screen in shops because she wants to 'denormalise' people buying booze.
There's no doubt that booze is sold in some rather inappropriate places. I can't figure out who thought it was a good idea to sell alcohol in petrol stations, for example.
But this desire to 'denormalise' anything our elite, or Frances Black, doesn't like, is bordering on the demented. It doesn't matter whether it's booze, fags, fatty food or exercise, there is a publicly-funded lobby group for every moral failing and there is no shortage of people who seem to spend their entire career bouncing from one to the other, wagging their finger and scolding the rest of us for not doing what we're told.
The thing is, what isn't 'normal' is for grown-ups to lecture other grown-ups about their private habits. It's not 'normal' to be obsessed with what strangers get up to. And it's certainly not 'normal' to think the rest of us are so bloomin' stoopid that we can't even be trusted to buy a carton of milk without being suckered into getting a bottle of wine and a six-pack.
But they do think we're stupid. Or misguided. Or naïve. Or weak.
Whatever way they dress it up, the people in these lobby groups simply think they're smarter than the common Pleb, and they're not shy of telling us.
If they got their way on booze and fags and food, they'd simply turn their beady little eyes to something else because, ironically, they're the real addicts - they're addicted to sticking their beak into other people's business when they're not invited, not welcome and not helpful.
Time to tell Nanny to sling her hook?
I'll drink to that.