Where would we be without the United Nations?
Well, the big day is nearly upon us. Are you excited? I am.
In fact, I can't wait for tomorrow, which is one of the truly great and important days of the calendar.
Yes, tomorrow is Mother Earth Day!
This important fixture should not be confused with Earth Day. Obvs.
Nor should it be confused with Mother's Day, which as we all know is ciscentric, exclusionary of trans people, unconscionably sexist and needs to be consigned to the dustbin of history.
No, Mother Earth Day is a UN initiative which (take a deep breath, this sentence goes on for a while) "aims to inspire citizens and societies to reconsider how to interact with the natural world and to improve the ethical basis of the relationship between humankind and the Earth in the context of sustainable development."
Never were truer, or more incomprehensible, words spoken, I'm sure you'll agree.
When it comes to lessons in ethics and natural justice, we can always look to the UN to point us in the right direction
After all, only last week the desert paradise of Saudi Arabia was elected to the Executive Council of the UN Commission of Status of Women.
Saudi Arabia. Women's rights. The two just roll off the tongue, don't they?
In fact, the Saudi envoy congratulated the UN on their decision and boasted that: "It's a token of appreciation of the Kingdom's efforts to empower women."
Presumably by "empower" women they mean letting a few of them drive and cutting down on the public executions of the ones who have been raped.
The Saudis are joined on that executive council by another shining beacon of female empowerment, Iran.
We shouldn't really be surprised - the Syrians have a seat the table governing decolonisation and "the right of people to self determination".
Let's not forget the UN's great job in Rwanda, where they stopped a million people being butchered in 100 days.
Oh wait, they didn't stop it. They cut and ran and left the people defenceless against the machetes of the Interahamwe.
Or how about that time they stopped the massacre of Srebrenica? Oh, okay, that's a bad example as well.
The United Nations is the worst organisation in the world; a $50bn-a-year boondoggle that remains in thrall to every tin-pot dictator and deranged genocidaire that crosses its path.
It stands by while massacres are perpetrated and then issues sad words or, if the situation is really bad, a letter of condemnation.
Yet here in Ireland people continue to give it a moral authority it doesn't deserve and has never earned. But who cares? I'm getting my drum circle ready for Mother Earth Day and you should too.