Sunday 20 October 2019

We have finally solved the great gender-unfriendly tissue scandal

Photo: Twitter/ Lisa Hancox
Photo: Twitter/ Lisa Hancox

What's in a name?

Well, quite a lot, as it happens.

Sometimes the fuss created over names can be amusing, or infuriating or just baffling, but it's usually best to just roll your eyes and shrug your shoulders and try to go about your day as best you can.

The recent row over the changing the name of Kleenex mansize tissues to the more gender-friendly 'extra large' tissues is a perfect example of the current vogue for fake outrage.

Some people on Twitter pretended to be furious that such a basic necessity was referred to in the context of being male.

Had you ever considered such a thing before? Did you ever find yourself wandering the aisle of your local supermarket, spot a box of Kleenex mansize tissues and simmer with silent resentment at the disgraceful way women have been erased from this narrative?

I mean, ladies get colds as well, don't they?

The fuss over the mansize tissues was mirrored on Wednesday when a baker in England announced that the firm was dropping the phrase 'gingerbread man' and replacing it with 'gingerbread persons' which doesn't even make sense, seeing as it should be 'gingerbread people.'

But then who cares about making sense when you can make a fuss instead?

There was a time when we knew what a crank was and we knew to treat them accordingly - there were always those easily-offended types who complained about everything simply because it made them feel important.

Nowadays, even the phrase 'crank' will be seen as offensive but let's be honest - cranky is as cranky does and there's no point in pretending otherwise.

Far be it from me to suggest that everyone on social media is a crank, but these days it appears that all the cranks are on social media.

In fact, to wildly mix my metaphors, you could argue that the lunatics have taken over the court of public opinion.

The internet, which provides us with the contents of every library ever known to man, sorry, persons, and is the single greatest resource for information and entertainment we have ever created, has become a Petri dish for every halfwit to display their idiocy.

People feel powerless and by creating a storm on social media, they can exert some control. You can take my tissues from my cold, dead, tiny man hands, etc...

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