Their house, their rules? Or is that racist?
Irish Republicans seem to specialise in whingeing and a sense of persecution wherever they go and there's a rather brilliant illustration of that happening in Canada at the moment.
Irish journalist Michael McAteer has been living and working in Canada for the last 35 years.
During those three and a half decades, McAteer found a country that treated him far better than the one he left behind and like many people who have left their home shores, he now wants to become a citizen of Canada.
But being a bloody Republican, he has a set of conditions – and is prepared to sue if his demands aren't met.
For starters, our brave hero says that he won't make any pledge of allegiance to the Queen and it would be, yes you've guessed it, a breach of his human rights if he were forced to.
In fact, he told a court in Ontario: "Taking an oath of allegiance to a hereditary monarch who lives abroad would violate my conscience, be a betrayal of my Republican heritage and impede my activities in support of ending the monarchy in Canada."
And there, in a nutshell, is the perfect encapsulation of the whiney, self-righteous sense of victimhood that makes so many Republicans so endlessly stupid – and entertaining.
A country takes you in and gives you an opportunity you couldn't find in the land of your birth and you . . . start laying down the rules and conditions upon which you will deign to accept their citizenship.
Frankly, the Canadians should tell this jerk to sling his bloody hook and find somewhere that suits his Republican credentials.
And let's be honest, given the fact that he was prepared to spend the last 35 years in a country where basic citizenship requires an oath of allegiance to the Queen, his 'Republican heritage' was obviously not that strong in the first place.
Of course, he will have the usual supporters who point out that the monarchy is an offensive anachronism and so on and they will all dribble themselves into a stupor as they debate the rights and wrongs of the stance being taken by McAteer and his mates.
Thankfully, the Canadian media – traditionally one of the most rigidly PC in the Free World – has seen this fool for what he is, with The Windsor Star simply saying: "Take the oath or take a hike."
Put it this way – how would you feel about someone coming to Ireland for a better life and then saying they would only become a citizen as long we changed our Constitution to suit their political quirks?
OKAY &NDASH; WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE
Despite RTÉ's incessant efforts to make the rest of us care about the North, most people have far more interesting things on their minds. Grass growing. Paint drying. Studying theology. That sort of thing.
Frankly, most of us look at this Balkanised kip, with its demagogues and halfwits and think a pox on all their houses.
And it's not just one side. This can be seen in the big, brave Loyalist freedom fighters who so love to hurl abuse at five-year-old Taigs as they commit the awful crime of walking down the wrong road on their way to school and, likewise, last weekend's march through Tyrone to commemorate the IRA dead.
I don't mean the thousands killed by the IRA, but members of the IRA who were killed on 'duty'.
Frankly, the only shame is that the Brits didn't kill more of them.
IRA supporters defended the march as part of the 'Nationalist narrative'.
That's fair enough, but let's see how considerate they are of someone else's 'narrative' when a statue celebrating the Shankill Butchers is erected in East Belfast.
WOW. THEY REALLY DON'T LIKE GAY PEOPLE
Forget about the increasingly deranged anti-gay laws being passed in Russia – an even better protest against the evils of homosexualism and other works of the Devil like abortion has just been reported in America.
The Gastonguay family from Northern Arizona said they were sick of: "Our taxes paying for gays and abortions."
So they simply sold their house, bought a boat and took off for a Polynesian island where they would feel more at home than in gay, abortion-loving America.
They didn't speak the language of the island they had planned to move to, they didn't know anything about navigation and couldn't read maps but Hannah and Mike Gastonguay, and his father Mike and all their children, hopped in the boat, placed their faith in God – and then promptly got lost in the middle of the ocean.
But despite being the subject of a costly air and sea rescue and a return to American soil, they say they witnessed "some true miracles" like, erm, "how the sun came out after a squall" – which, I'm sure you'll agree, is a pretty sight but hardly registers very highly on the miracle scale of things.
They point out that gay adoption will be the ruination of America, which they're entitled to believe.
But they might have been in a better position to discuss parenting if they hadn't just dragged their kids on a 91-day adventure through treacherous seas and which saw them all nearly die on several occasions.
REALLY? YOU SURE ABOUT THAT, MISS GAGA?
She has about as much chance of being taken seriously as an artist as Oprah does of becoming a shop assistant in Switzerland any time soon, but now Lady Gaga has turned her attention to critics of her music.
In fact, she says that the only people suitably qualified to dissect her music are: "Music scholars and my fans."
Well, music scholars, fans and, I would imagine, Madonna's lawyers, given the fact that everything Lady Gaga does is a pale ripoff of the septuagenarian singer . . .