Thursday 20 June 2019

The wimmin are upset

Beauty contests are, by definition, all about beauty. But in a hugely entertaining tiff currently rumbling on at the London School of Economics, a bunch of feminazis are demanding that the college beauty contest be banned.

Or, to quote one of the leading objectors: "It should be eradicated forever", which seems rather harsh language about an event which features some girls in their bikinis talking about their desire for world peace and how they plan on working with underprivileged children once they graduate.

According to one protester: "They measure their waist and breasts and that's what you do to animals."

That obviously means this contest is more interesting than the normal contests and the applications for judges who then get to measure the contestants' boobs and waists will be quite high.

Another protester, describing herself as a 'true feminist' called the contest "misogynistic and degrading" -- and given the fact that admiring the female form is the opposite to misogyny, perhaps she would be better served spending more of her time at her English lectures than doing a convincing impression of the legendary Millie Tant from Viz magazine.

But can someone answer me this -- I thought feminists wanted a society where women were allowed to do anything they wanted? Obviously that only extends to doing things that are politically approved.

So ladies, rather than protest at girls prettier than you, why don't you shave your armpits, pay a bit of attention to your appearance and, who knows, you might even get yourself a husband some day?

And isn't that what every woman wants?

WELL, HE WAS A GOOD BOSS

Let's be honest, nobody is a complete monster. Everyone has a redeeming side. Even Hitler.

Think ISpy is pulling your leg? As if we would ever sink so low! Well, just talk to 91-year-old Rosa Mitterer, who worked as a maid for the uni-balled, psychotic Austrian midget.

Apparently, he was "extremely polite and soft spoken".

When asked what she thought about his apparent role in something called the Holocaust -- you may have heard of it -- she shrugged her shoulders and remarked: "Well, I prefer to remember the charming facets of his personality."

Well, you would do, wouldn't you?

After all, concentrating on the fact that he was responsible for the deaths of more than 50 million people might cloud your judgement a tad.

DOWN WITH SATAN'S CLOTHES

As Iran becomes more belligerent on the global stage, they will admit that they have rather taken their eye off the ball domestically.

Why, they haven't even executed any gays so far this week, and that simply will not do.

But that's not the worst of their worries -- clothes are.

Iranian morality police have arrested 49 youngsters in northern Iran for a rather grisly crime: wearing 'satanic clothes'.

Yup, these filthy, West- loving degenerates were detained after being seen "wearing Western-style haircuts" and according to the local police chief: "These rascals and thugs appeared in public wearing unsuitable clothes and spikey hairstyles."

This move has been condemned as another example of Iranian stupidity, but if you think that, you're just a racist and Islamophobe.

But they actually have a point in fairness -- after all, don't tell me that when you see someone wearing pyjamas or a mullet on the street you don't kinda hanker for the kind of police force that would arrest them immediately?

AND YOU THOUGHT RONALDO WAS BAD?

Fancy a laugh? Go to YouTube and type in 'Emerson Piojo' and witness what is quite simply the most hilarious football dive of all time.

And he got a penalty for it.

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