Makes you proud to be Irish...
Well, the bould Mick has had a cracking summer so far, hasn't he? First he skips out of the Dail and all the boring nonsense that makes being a politician such a drag - committees, meetings, maybe having to make the odd speech here or there. Who needs all that aggro when you can swan off to Brazil to take in the sights and sounds of the best tournament many of us can remember?
Don't get me wrong - I would have loved to skipped work to go to this World Cup and I'm sure you would have been happy to blag a ticket as well. In fact, I don't know any self-respecting football fan who wouldn't have gone on the mitch from their job to spend some time over there. Brazil 2014 was one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and few people could be blamed for grabbing the chance with both hands.
On the other hand, few of us are hopelessly broke, debt-ridden developers who through some freak of electoral nature managed to fluke themselves a gig as a TD.
Few of us have been forced to make tearful pledges that every penny we make would go back repaying the money we owed. But hey man, it's World Cup.
We are a remarkably forgiving people when it comes to politicians and their weird ways, even if that often means we tend to be too forgiving of the wrong ones. But despite our forgiving nature, you might have expected Mick to keep a low profile upon his return.
But keeping a low profile, like paying tax, is obviously a burdensome chore reserved for the little people.
So Wallace and his Velcro sourpuss, Clare Daly, decided to score themselves some free publicity by hitching a ride on the nearest bandwagon to Shannon and were promptly arrested when they attempted to 'inspect' an American plane.
Presumably furious that Margaretta D'arcy had hogged the limelight when it comes to fatuous, juvenile posturing, the dynamic duo went onto the runway beside the C130 transport plane to, apparently, "highlight the lax inspections" of these planes while they're in Ireland.
Of course, all they really managed to do was highlight the obviously risible security at Shannon.
After all, anybody running madly towards an American military jet can hardly complain if they were shot by twitchy security.
Maybe Mick is still a bit jet-lagged after his Brazilian jamboree. But surely someone could have informed him that things are a little bit tense around the world at the moment - and security is likely to be on even higher alert than normal.
Daly, the walking answer to a question nobody has ever asked, was quick to drone on about how: "I believe it's our function to represent human rights and injustice in every opportunity we can. This Government is slavishly following the American agenda."
Silly me - I thought it was their function to represent their constituency, rather than make the kind of vainglorious attempt at grandstanding that most normal people have grown out of by the time they leave college.
But the wannabe Mulder and Scully came across more Wallace and Gromit although they were able to prove that there is only one thing more important to them than fighting the good fight.
And that, evidently, is being seen to be fighting their good fight. By as many as possible.
So well done the pair of you. Maybe, while they're busy congratulating themselves for their bravery they should be grateful the Yanks aren't as trigger- happy as they like to make out.
Crusty strikes again
Q Fresh from trying to console a nation during a recent music-related SNAFU, the indefatigable Dublin Lord Mayor Crusty Burke, is now telling us that O'Connell St is safe.
He even boasted that: "There is a great sense of belonging and character here."
Maybe he has a point...
In fact, on one recent Friday afternoon, when I witnessed two fights, an undercover cop lifting a monged-out skobie and a woman crying on the street after she was mugged, I thought to myself... yeah, this place has real character.
But he really proved just how in touch he is wiv da kidz on da street when he claimed: "I don't feel any different walking up during the day or at 12 at night."
Ask anybody who lives or works in that area and they will tell you that even the gangs go out in pairs after dark. I know our mayor has served two stretches inside for being in the Provos, and maybe his concept of danger is a bit more macho than us mere civilians, but saying O'Connell St is safe at midnight isn't just a Lord Mayor talking up his hometown.
It's actually criminally dense.
Very neutral, indeed
Q For the second time in less than a week, rockets belonging to Hamas and destined for Israel have been found in a UN school in Gaza.
The UNRWA reported the discovery of a second weapons cache on Tuesday. That Hamas should do such a thing is hardly a surprise. Like all their terrorist brethren in the region, they have a long history of secreting weapons and fighters in schools, mosques and hospitals.
So how did the UN react? Pretty much as you would expect. They said they were unhappy which, let's be honest, carries about as much weight as an open letter from Sinead O'Connor.
So how did the UN punish Hamas for such a flagrant breach of international law?
Um, they returned the ordnance to "the Government in Gaza".
In other words, they gave them back to Hamas.
That will certainly teach Palestinian terrorists not to mess with the UN. Because if they do, then the UN will write an angry letter. Before returning the rockets.
Now that's what you call a disproportionate response.