If meat is murder, then should we criminalise tigers?
WELL, aren't we a brave brunch of vegetarians, eh? You know what I mean.
You see a genuinely tragic human-interest story about a dismembered leg turning up in a waste-disposal centre and what's the worst thing to cross your mind? Is it a basic, human response of horror to the fate the person endured? Is it even a sense of there-but-for-the-grace-of-God? After all, the thoughts of ending up in some trash compactor is enough to send a visceral shiver down anyone's spine.
Or else... Or else you look at this very human, very distressing and absolutely hideous story and think, yes, let's make an ad that exploits the suffering of some poor unfortunate to make our own ham-fisted political point.
That's what you do when you're in PETA, I suppose. That's what you do when you're one of those sad, squalid inadequates who support that group of nutters who care for all living things - as long as they're not human, that is. Or, for that matter, as long as you're not an animal unlucky enough to be cared for them.
After all, PETA was infamously exposed for killing 97pc of the animals in their care in America.
This truly obnoxious and emotionally bankrupt group of zealots is as crazy and mean and spiteful as Morrissey without the great music. Some genius decided that it would be a good idea to show the rest of us that all meat is the same, man, and there is no moral difference between a dismembered human limb and a chicken for your dinner.
Most of the veggie eaters I know have concluded that they are happier and feel more ethically content to stay away from animal products. But they would never, say, equate eating a chicken with the Holocaust. PETA does. Most veggies would never say that anyone who drinks milk deserves prostate cancer. PETA does.
Most meat eaters would accept that the way we treat our livestock should be improved. PETA doesn't. Its members want to outlaw all meat, in all forms, forever.
Maybe it's some profound personality defect that means their brains have never evolved all the same lines as the rest of us but any time you deal with someone from this vile and disgusting organisation (with their long-standing terrorist links, according to the FBI lest we forget) you will be confronted by someone who seems motivated not so much by love of animals but a deep loathing of their fellow humans.
It's a weird and, frankly, nauseating way to look at the world. But by implying some sort of equivalence between a human leg and a side of beef they are actually doing us all a favour.
Because that is how we get to see the fanatics in our midst. That is how we see them for just what they are. Losers. And remarkably horrible people.
PETA would like the rest of us to believe that it is motivated by concern for our animal friends.
It isn't. This is merely the latest in a long line of sick stunts and stupid tricks.
And if anyone from PETA has the balls to challenge me, my email is at the top of the page.
If there's one thing that the people of Dublin love, it's giving out about the place.
And let's be honest, there is plenty to give out about.
Barely a day goes past without us seeing some new and freshly horrific incident of violence or cruelty in or around the city's main drag, but that's not to imply the suburbs are any better.
In fact, people no longer even feel safe when they're catching the bus, as we saw from those disgusting images of the man repeatedly punching a defenceless woman. Even then, the only thing that makes it newsworthy is that it was caught on camera.
In fact, there are times when it is actually hard to think of anything good about living in the capital other than the fact that at least we're not stuck in some rural hell hole.
But those years of moaning about the travails of being a Dub have been in vain.
Thanks to the good people of Conde Naste, Dublin has been crowned the 5th friendliest city in the world. Where else did they survey? Beirut? Mosul? El Paso?
One of the main complaints against every police force in the world is that they spend far too much time investigating matters that don't really concern them.
That's particularly true in Britain where the average Bobby on the beat now seems to spend their time as some sort of ersatz race relations counsellor, sticking their beaks into all sorts of social and cultural issues that don't concern them.
But my Lord, cops in Hereford have excelled themselves. Twelve officers raided a pub in Hereford looking for some unusual contraband - the Holy Grail.
Sadly for the Indiana Jones wannabes, they didn't find the elusive goblet but were instead confronted by something far, far more mysterious and terrifying. An old salad bowl.
As you might expect, this has brought appropriate shame and ridicule down upon the archaeologically-minded constabulary but it also raises some interesting questions. Firstly, of course, is the obvious one - how would they know if it was the real one? Did they go on a course?