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Ian O'Doherty: Yup, we believe you... honestly

If Craig Doyle (pictured) was a colour, he'd most likely be beige -- bland and inoffensive.

But he seems to have made the most out of his talents, although his main power is driving TV critics completely bloody mad.

However, not everyone has such a negative opinion about him.

In fact, on Saturday he gave an interview to Ken Sweeney, Entertainment Editor of this paper, in which he boasts of the joy he brings into people and how: "The people of Enniskerry stop me on the street to thank me."

He then goes on to say how much he loves sending people to bed "with a smile on their face" before moaning about those meanies in the media who give him a hard time.

So, Craig Doyle sends people to bed with a smile on their face?

I would have thought the only way he could do that was to announce his retirement from television.

A slight credibility gap, perhaps?

Where do you stand on gay marriage?

Do you think that allowing friends of Dorothy to get hitched will be a great leap forward in the battle for equality, or do you lie awake worried that if the gays get the same rights as you, then the world will end and we'll become mincing queens with an obsession with Sex And The City and the Scissor Sisters?

Personally, I don't have a problem with the idea because A) It's none of my bloody business what consenting adults do in their private life, and B) Well, I refer you back to A).

But it seems the Catholic Church wouldn't have such a laissez-faire attitude towards the whole thing -- in fact, they seem to view this as a new front on the culture wars and a way for them to make themselves relevant again.

So, last Sunday, every Mass said also included the priest reading a letter from the Pope denouncing the concept as evil and wrong and blah blah blah.

Now, I have no problem with Catholics being opposed to gay marriage -- after all, freedom of expression flows both ways, something the more militant end of the gay lobby tends to forget at times.

But one thing struck me when watching an item about this on the news.

If you're going to convince people about sexual morality, it lacks a little weight if it's delivered by a celibate pensioner in a dress.

Just a thought, lads.

Oh, the state we're in...

I don't know about you but Garlicgate, as nobody but me is calling it, is quite simply staggering.

As you know, the Revenue discovered that fruit and veg importer Paul Begley was being rather less than upfront and honest and took action against him.

He was mislabelling the garlic as apples because they have a smaller duty levy and once busted was suitably prosecuted.

But what happened last Friday was like something from a Kafka novel -- he was given six years' jail by the judge.

They say that when you first enter prison you must show the lags who is boss.

That's going to be tough when they find out that you've been sent down for mixing your apples with your garlic.

No, he instead should have defrauded the State of hundreds of millions of euro making us a bankrupt nation.

Then he'd still be walking the streets with his head held high.

Of course! That makes perfect sense

Frankly, I can't stand Angelina Jolie.

If smugness were an energy source, we could tell the Saudis to feck off and simply hook her up to the national grid.

No, she takes herself way too seriously for my liking and seems to have absolutely no sense of humour.

And now it seems I'm not alone.

Conservative American radio host (translation: batshit crazy radio host) Alex Jones has an interesting view of Jolie and her role in that mind-numbingly smug video KONY, where a host of celebrities appeal on YouTube for the arrest of the Ugandan war lord.

Now, I could point out that having Kim Kardashian say you're not a nice man is unlikely to lead to any immediate arrests but that's beside the point.

No, back to Jones.

According to him: "Drunk on the blood of Iraq, Libya, Syria, Afghanistan and scores of other nations, Jolie is now pushing for military invasion to 'help' Africa . . . Let's call a spade a spade, she should be arrested for war crimes."

Now, as much as I dislike the woman and her self-righteous posturing, we can't just go around arresting every celebrity who reads a press release and then becomes a liberal activist on issues they know nothing about.

Actually, hang on a second, that idea sounds more attractive by the second . . .

Well, you can see his point

You have to admit, there is something both hilarious and infuriating about some prisoners' claims about their rights being abused.

In Britain, they are only getting around to changing a law preventing authorities from issuing the names of escaped prisoners because it's a breach of their privacy and now Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe is demanding a pension during his stay in a secure mental hospital.

This has, as you imagine, caused some consternation. But here's the solution -- give him his damn pension.

And then take it all to help pay for his bed and board.

Irish Independent