Ian O'Doherty: Well, they do call it tough love
One of the main problems we face in society today is the one posed by children. After all, how many times have you entered a restaurant only to have your dining experience ruined by the sight of a small child being in the room?
It doesn't matter if the kid is asleep or simply quiet, just knowing that they they're around is enough to set ISpy's teeth itching with irritation.
No, you take a tough line when you're dealing with children because if you don't they will ride roughshod over you and start making ridiculous demands -- meals every day, a new pair of shoes every year, that kind of thing.
So may this column be the first to congratulate 27-year-old soldier Joshua Tabor, from Florida, for refusing to bow to the politically-correct school of parenting.
Tabor was infuriated when his seven-year-old daughter refused to say her ABCs correctly.
So he water-boarded her.
The former soldier has since been arrested and faces cruelty charges.
Ironically, the child's knowledge of the alphabet hasn't improved, but during the water-boarding session, she did tell them where Osama bin Laden's been hiding.
You see -- torture does work.
MARRY EARLY. AND OFTEN
Ireland, it appears, is a deeply racist country. Yup, you may have thought that, if anything, we have bent over backwards to accommodate foreigners and that, apart from a few ignorant knuckleheads who would be quite at home in the KKK, we're basically a civil, tolerant society that is afraid to impose our values on immigrants.
But you, sir, are a racist bully.
The latest example of how we mistreat our newcomers comes with the case of the Lebanese asylum seeker who is suing the State -- because they won't let him bring his second wife into the country.
The man is in a polygamous marriage, which is legal in Lebanon, but not here, and he says that this is discrimination against him.
Now, you could say that he knew the rules before he came over here and if he doesn't like them he can claim asylum in a country which does allow such practices, but that would make you worse than Nick Griffin.
According to one Irish Muslim campaigner: "The State should not be interfering in families like this."
This should set an interesting precedent -- because if he wins then we can look forward to cases like the one currently happening in Saudi Arabia, where an 80-year-old-man has just married a 12-year-old girl.
Ah, the romance of it all ...
THEY SHOULD BE FINED MORE ...
Television network ITV has just been fined £2,000 for animal cruelty -- after contestants on I'm A Failure, Please Boost My Career, killed and ate a rat.
The starving celebutards were so hungry that when they saw the rodent enter their camp they immediately set upon it and made a meal out of it -- presumably ratatouille (right, that's it, you're fired if you make one more pun like that -- ED).
The courts ruled that: "An animal was inflicted with unnecessary pain and distress."
A bit like the viewers, then. Can we get some money?