Sunday 25 August 2019

Ian O'Doherty: Together they could take over the world

Ian O'Doherty

Ian O'Doherty

One of the many things allied forces have learned in Afghanistan is that the Taliban, though brave, aren't necessarily militarily proficient.

And anyone who has ever seen the incredible documentary about the battle at Maz-ar-Shariff, when hundreds of Taliban prisoners rebelled (and where the infamous 'American Taliban' John Walker Lindh was found) will have seen them blindly spraying the area with bullets until they all ran out of ammo.

But it seems things could be changing.

Forces there have noticed a worrying trend -- German converts to Islam who have signed up with the Taliban and are fighting against British and American forces in Afghanistan.

One of them, a convert from Munich, said that their ultimate goal was the destruction of the State of Israel.

Honestly, a German with a grudge against the Jews?

Hmmm, I'm not 100pc sure, but that seems to ring a bell somewhere in the back of my head ...

WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

If the Irish are good at one thing, then surely it's bitching, pissing and moaning about things.

And over the last week we've seen a couple of crackers as people get utterly aerated by things beyond their control.

Some of the kvetching over the volcano has been truly hilarious.

And then we have Whitneygate.

Whitney Houston has been doing a remarkably good impression of a crack-addled bag lady for the last decade and even made a reality show around her and Bobby Brown's descent into drug-fuelled crapulence.

So, anyone who shelled out the guts of a hundred quid to see her in the Point (just like Bombay will always be Bombay and Peking will always be Peking, the Point will always be the Point) should have known what to expect.

And in fact, many of them did. Indeed, so bad were the reports of her gigs in Britain that people were ringing up radio stations complaining that they couldn't get a refund -- before she even played a gig here.

Welcome to modern Ireland -- a place where we have now perfected the art of pre-emptive complaining, where people buy a ticket for a show and then demand a refund 'cos the gig might not be great.

NOW, NOW, DON'T JUDGE THEM

We live in strange and frequently hideous times. Every form of sexual deviancy is now seen by some as legitimate and we shouldn't judge them.

Gay people have groups like Stonewall and the Terence Higgins Trust, paedophiles have NAMBLA (North American Man-Boy Love Association) and, of course, the Catholic Church.

And now there's a particularly unpleasant support group -- for people who like to engage in a little bestiality.

Thirty-nine-year old Douglas Spink has been arrested for running an interesting operation in Seattle -- a farm where people could go and have sex with animals.

But amidst the usual roll call of animal floozies -- sexy horses, dogs with a certain glint in their eye, you know the drill, there was one particularly odd animal found: mice.

Now this column can understand someone admiring a horse's fetlocks (are you really sure that's something you want to admit to? --ed.) but, really, this is beyond the pale.

After all, have you ever gone into a pet shop, seen a mouse and thought: "Yup, I'm definitely going to get me a piece of that honey"?

In fairness, the mice were all wearing make-up and rodent lingerie, so maybe they should shoulder some of the blame.

The little tarts.

Irish Independent

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