Tuesday 19 November 2019

Ian O'Doherty: Sure it could happen to any of us

Ian O'Doherty

Ian O'Doherty

You know how it is -- you plan on doing a particular task and then something comes up, you get a bit distracted and you forget about the whole thing altogether.

It's a bit of a bummer and we've all been there.

So you can only feel for Navan Tesco shop assistant Andrea O'Reilly.

As you may have read, a Tesco checkout worker made a mistake with a Lotto ticket and had to reissue another one.

And, as Sod's law dictates, it was the original ticket which came up as a winner, bagging 500k.

Tesco quickly announced that they would be donating the money to charity and the whole thing was then forgotten.

But not by O'Reilly, who is now suing Tesco because she was the person who mistakenly issued the ticket.

And why is she suing?

Well, according to her she was going to pay for the ticket the next day but forgot, adding: "All I can say is that I had the ticket and I no longer have it."

Honestly, your Honour, I swear I was going to pay for the ticket the day after the draw, now can I please have a half million euros?

Let's see how that one plays out . . .

When will they learn?

So, here's the deal. You realise to your shock and horror that your boss is getting paid a lot more than you are.

So, do you shrug your shoulders and think that it's perfectly obvious that the top man should be getting the top money or do you go ballistic and go on to Facebook to complain about it?

Well, if you're Lloyds bank worker Stephanie Bon, you choose the latter.

And, as we have seen before, her bosses soon found out about it and she claims she was sacked as a result.

Seriously, people, how many times does Uncle Ian have to tell you -- keep your private thoughts private.

Bon, however, feels the victim in all of this, saying: "If I have got an opinion, I write it because I don't expect my friends to grass me up."

Yup, that worked out really well for you didn't it?

Thankfully I don't have that problem because my boss is lovely, charming, erudite, inspirational ... (oh shut up, lickspittle, you're making an even bigger fool of yourself than normal -- ed.)

That's a good use of tax money ...

Let's face it, we all know at least one heavy drinker. In fact if you don't know a heavy drinker the chances are that you're the one.

And, as we know, what constitutes alcoholism differs from person to person.

But regardless of the levels of consumption the individual engages in, the pathology remains the same -- if they want or need a drink they are going to get that drink and there's nothing anyone can do to stop them. Or is there?

A local council in Bolton has just invested 75 grand in a rather odd scheme -- they are giving 120 registered alcoholics a free mobile phone.

And the reason? Well, every day they will receive a text offering "positive messages and reinforcement".

So you can see how that one would play out -- some poor bugger is doing his best to stay on the dry, is shaking like the bejaysus, sweating, twitching and thinking paranoid thoughts (actually, that sounds a lot like how I've been feeling for the last few weeks, but that's because I have a cold. Honest) and desperately trying to forget the fact that they would sell their own kids for a drink and then they get a text saying: "Hey! You're doing great and you're a really good person."

You could just imagine Father Jack if he received something like that: Feck Off!

Now that's what you call hypocrisy

Despite having promised much -- the biggest promise being the simple fact that they weren't Labour -- the British coalition government has proved itself remarkably adept at putting its collective foot into the doo doo.

And this week has seen two classic examples.

First David Cameron caused outrage in Middle England by making a donation of £650m to Pakistan's schooling system in an attempt to apologise for accusing the country of being soft on terrorism last year.

Then he further compounded matters by saying: "I don't want to try to insert Britain in some leading role here where, as with so many of the world's problems, we are responsible for the issue in the first place."

Then, back in Britain, Nick Clegg blasted the culture of cronyism, and said internships should be "based on what you know, not who you know".

That's all very well and good -- except Clegg's first internship came from his father, while his first actual job was given to him by his father's friend.

So, the British Government is handing over vast sums of money to a completely dodgy country, then apologising for existing in the first place while also engaging in rank hypocrisy?

Honestly, it's like Labour never went away.

Okay -- that's just bloody weird

As readers will know, I'm quite frankly a little bit obsessed with dogs. But there is a line. And it looks like English woman Louise Harris has gone over it.

Harris ran a Facebook campaign to find a dog to marry her own one.

And then she spent 20 grand on the wedding ceremony, and she says of the newly married couple: "Mugly is always sending Lola gifts and pictures of himself to make up for the times they are apart. He sends her Valentine's cards and little presents."

She then adds: "People think I'm mad."

Really? You don't say.

The whole thing will end in tears of course -- everyone knows arranged marriages don't work . . .

Irish Independent

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