Ian O'Doherty: Police assault? You go, girl . . .
Let's be honest, the only rational response to the Saudi regime is one of utter revulsion. And perhaps the most nauseating aspect of this morally decrepit society is the way they treat their women and gay people.
The worst offenders are the hated religious police, who patrol the streets to ensure that women behave like good little domestic animals and don't show any signs of humanity.
So ISpy let out a cheer of delight yesterday at the news that at least one Saudi woman has finally had enough.
Stopped by a member of the snappily named Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice for the crime of walking alongside a man, she did what Saudi women must have been desperate to do for years -- she kicked the lard out of him.
According to reports: "The officer was punched repeatedly about the head and torso. His injuries were so bad that he required immediate hospital treatment."
So, anytime you fancy a quick smile today, just imagine the look on that guy's face when he realised that he was getting battered by a girl.
It won't go down well with his mates, that's for sure.
STANDARDS, PEOPLE, WE NEED STANDARDS
As we all know, air travel can be a rather taxing affair -- just ask Jonathan Rhys Meyers.
You have the ordeal of the check-in, the indignity of the security line -- did you pack this bag yourself? No, I let a rather jittery, sweaty bloke in a turban do it for me, you moron -- and the general sense of utter, pure, impotent rage.
Indeed, as Bill once said (and if you need a surname you don't know who he is): "I'm hijacking this plane. Now take me to my scheduled destination."
But at least you can usually rely on the fact that you will have a real pilot. Although that's not always the case.
A Swedish pilot has just been busted for spending the last 13 years flying commercial and passenger airlines without a licence or qualifications.
Thomas Salme says: "I got this crackpot idea to apply as a co-pilot on a real airline so I made a Swedish pilot's licence out of some paper. It wasn't even laminated. It was surprisingly easy to do."
This is an absolute outrage.
After all, people are entitled to expect proper professionals doing a professional job, not some half-baked amateur pretending to do something he is patently unqualified for and demeaning the good name of his craft . . . (um, are you really sure you want to continue with this line of argument? You're been imitating a proper a journalist for years, you tool, you complete tool. ED)
OH, THAT'S OKAY, THEN
Belgium has become the first European country to have the balls to ban the disgusting garment that is the burka.
Completely out of place with Western ideals, the burka is basically a mobile prison that makes women look like the little monsters from Pacman.
It's not a religious requirement and the argument that banning the burka is Islamophobic kinda loses water when you consider that it's already effectively banned in Muslim countries like Tunisia and Turkey, who recognise that wearing it is a political statement, not one of devotion.
So, this Saturday sees a protest outside the Belgian embassy and the list of rules set out by the organisers is quite interesting: "Please do not burn any flags. Please do not wipe the ground or baby's bottom with any flag.
"Unlike the kuffar (which is a racist term, but hey, let's not bother with logic, eh?), we should be more disciplined and not go down to their level . . . unless someone wants to burn the Zionist flag, since we do not recognise the Zionist state."
So, a bunch of Muslims in Ireland plan a protest outside the Belgian embassy and are encouraged to burn the Israeli flag.
Well, that kinda ticks all the boxes, doesn't it?
But one thing intrigues me -- what sort of person wakes up in the morning and thinks: "Great, I'm going on that protest later today but what I'm really looking forward to is wiping my kid's arse on someone's flag"?
You have to admit, it does seem a tad odd.