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Ian O'Doherty: Oh will you just leave it out

Look, I'll be honest -- I've always had a massive case of man love for Morrissey.

His songs have been virtually the soundtrack to my life and like most blokes my age, I never liked or trusted anyone who wasn't in awe of The Smiths.

Having said that, while his music is undoubtedly some of the best of the 20th Century, the guy himself is a complete dick.

I've heard horror stories from people who have interviewed him down the years and while the NME were out of order to accuse him of fascism all those years ago, he has always come across as an incredibly intolerant, judgmental dude.

And he has been excelling himself of late.

Despite the fact that the British were the first to discover the Falkland islands and the islanders themselves consider themselves as British as someone from London (although given the racial breakdown of that city there are plenty of Londoners who don't consider themselves that way) it has become trendy for artists to back the cynical Argentinean attempt at grabbing the land.

So, not only did Moz play up to the crowd in Buenos Aires recently by referring to the 'Malvinas', he played a gig on Tuesday with an Argentinean flag on stage and his band all wore identical T-shirts with a picture of the royal couple emblazoned with the slogan "We hate William and Kate".

So class, let's look at those who want the Falklands to be abandoned by the UK -- Sean Penn, Morrissey and the increasingly bonkers Roger Waters.

And you know that if those three are for something, then sensible option is to be completely against it.

Of course, that makes perfect sense

The rise in the number of children being beaten after being accused of witchcraft is certainly worrying.

Many African immigrants into Europe bring their old, primitive superstitions with them and we have seen several cases of abuse in Britain where kids are accused of using 'kindoki'.

Of course, there are plenty of shysters and hucksters out there who are willing to masquerade as witchdoctors and, for a fee, they will attempt to exorcise the child -- usually through the medium of beating them.

So, how do people know which kids are witches and which aren't?

Well, Sky News did a documentary from the Democratic Republic of Congo where belief in witchcraft is endemic and they spoke to one man who can 'cleanse' evil children.

So, how does he know?

He says: "You can see by their eyes.

"Their eyes shine like a cat. It has a white colour and this tells me that they are a witch."

Well, I suppose as long as they're being so scientific we shouldn't judge them, should we?

Now that's what you call sensitive

Who do you think are the most reviled people in modern society?

Well, developers are certainly up there and in Ireland I'd put good money on that Northern terrorist Tom McFeely having plenty of votes.

But let's not forget those other people -- city traders.

They've always had a reputation as a bunch of chancers; currency speculators who like to gamble with other people's money as they make millions in a day.

But many traders will say that they are a misunderstood bunch and aren't all clichés from the movie Wall Street.

And then there's Alex Hope, a 23-year-old trader from London.

Our hero was in a nightclub in Liverpool recently and decided he fancied buying a nice round of drinks and show off to some of the footballers who were in the club.

As you do.

So, he ordered a bottle of champagne -- worth £125,000.

In total, his final bar bill came to more than two hundred grand for the evening.

Well, it's nice to see that the current economic sh*tstorm hasn't affected everyone and I can assure you that it really made my day to know that that nice young man can afford such a treat.

The bastard.

Really? You don't say?

So, are you looking forward to getting your greedy little paws on Bruce Springsteen's latest opus, Wrecking Ball?

I think we can all agree that the man is a bloody legend and he has been in the form of his life in recent years.

Well, if you agree with that then you're a racist.

That is the rather odd conclusion of a study in America which says listening to just seven minutes of Springsteen or The White Stripes makes people favour their own race.

According to the researchers: "Rock music is generally associated with white Americans, so we believe it cues white listeners to think about their positive associations with their own in-group."

Well, it looks I'm going to have head straight home and burn all my Springsteen albums immediately because he has been inspiring racist thoughts in me.

And to think that he campaigned for Obama and has played anti-racist gigs in the past.

Man, is he sneaky.

Yup, an obvious candidate

She became infamous for having an eight-year affair with her brother-in-law Ryan Giggs and then appearing on Celebrity Big Brother, bringing the term 'celebrity' to a new low.

And now Natasha Giggs has been nominated for Mother Of The Year.

What's the story?

Was Rose West unavailable or something?

Irish Independent