Wednesday 18 September 2019

Ian O'Doherty: Ladies -- it's all your fault

Ian O'Doherty

Ian O'Doherty

What could possibly have caused the rather inconvenient Icelandic volcano? In America, the notoriously liberal National Public Radio had an interesting debate about the cause of the volcanic eruption.

According to the host: "We do wonder whether there's human involvement in all of these eruptions, earthquakes, storms", while the guest, a senior CNN correspondent, responded with: "Climate change is contributing to earthquakes and volcanic ash."

Now, you might have thought that was one of the most asinine assessments you have ever heard and you would be right -- but not for the reasons you think.

No, the real reason for such bothersome things as volcanoes and earthquakes is ... women.

Yup, an Iranian cleric has just come out and said: "Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes."

Of course, it all makes such sense now.

And it certainly brings a new meaning to the phrase "and did the Earth move for you?"


Speaking of volcanoes, earthquakes and, erm, loose women -- the missus better not read this -- we wrote about how she was stuck in London and had to get the ferry back on Friday, which would give us a bit more time in the pub after work.

And we were able to promise that we'd have a nice meal ready to help soothe over the trauma of the journey.

It didn't quite work out that way.

Mrs ISpy got a train from London to Holyhead, then the ferry into Dublin port, then she got a taxi to the airport to retrieve her car, then drove back across the city in Friday rush hour traffic -- and still got home before ISpy, who merely had to negotiate the not particularly hazardous journey from Talbot Street to Dublin 6.

This, as you can imagine, went down in a manner which could be fairly described as less than well.

And, for some reason, our excuse that someone had just bought a round and this column will never, ever be accused of having the bad manners to snub somebody's round, didn't cut much ice.

The bruises are beginning to heal about now but if there's one moral to be learned from the story it is this: Women are completely unreasonable, irrational creatures and sometimes there is simply no talking to them.


One of the most baffling shibboleths held dear by people on the Irish Left is their love affair with Cuba.

It is, they assert, a noble statelet which is as close to a socialist utopia as we're going to get in this lifetime and would be even better if those mean Americans lifted their sanctions.

And that's why you get Irish idiots like the reliably befuddled Finian McGrath defending the place and their human rights record, with McGrath going on record to simply assert that: "Cuba is a different-style democracy to Ireland"

And one way Cuba has a different democratic system to ours is the way they treat political dissidents.

Six weeks ago, activist Orlando Zapata died on a hunger strike to protest against the regime's brutal policies and now another Cuban journalist, Guillermo Farinas, is also days from death.

Strangely, Irish Lefties, who normally lionise the IRA hunger strikers, have been notably silent on this one.

What's wrong, lads, cat got your tongue?

Irish Independent

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