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Ian O'Doherty: I'm a bad, bad man

You know the drill -- there's something nagging in the back of your mind but you just can't quite figure it out. Did you leave the gas on? Did you lock the door? That kind of thing.

And I had one of those moments when I finally arose from my stupor yesterday morning.

What the Hell had I forgotten. And then, when I went downstairs, it hit me -- there were two Valentine's Day cards on the table -- one from Mrs ISpy and a jokey one from Molly the King Charles.

In fairness, she's well used to that kind of behaviour and I certainly wasn't as deep in the merde as one mate in work who also forgot and then got a call around lunchtime informing him: "Don't bother bringing any flowers home. Sure the good is gone from it now."

Ouch.

That's all you have to say?

It's hard to know whether Channel 4's My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding is horribly compelling or simply horrible.

But rather than being relieved that the programme paints them as merely charming eccentrics, Pavee Point have gone ever-so slightly mental.

According to Martin Collins: "I think the whole programme is exploitative of travellers and what's really interesting is that no traveller representative was interviewed."

And that's a fair point -- after all every side deserves to be heard.

So, on that note, what has Mr Collins got to say about the charming story of Irish Traveller Tom O'Leary and his family of 14.

They are now being rehoused, at the taxpayers' expense, for the 12th time in 12 years because of persistent complaints of violence, threats, naked children wandering the streets and littering.

His wife, who lists her hobbies on Facebook as "eating chocolate and having children", has never worked either, yet this time they were put into a house worth £1.2m in posh Muswell Hill because the council had to find a mansion large enough to accommodate them.

Don't hold your breath...

Bono -- A true man of peace

There are times when it would appear that Bono only opens his mouth to change his feet.

His desperate, constant desire to be loved certainly makes for an interesting psychological case study but it also leads to him saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

And he just did it again in South Africa.

As you know, white farmers are routinely killed in remote areas of the Veldt and things are even worse in Zimbabwe, where the few remaining white farmers live in constant fear for their lives. Indeed, the eradication of the white farming community is one of the main reasons the country's going through a catastrophic famine.

But when his Bonerness was asked by a journalist about the obnoxious song 'Shoot the Farmer, Shoot the Boer', he replied that it was perfectly fine in certain settings -- although presumably he doesn't think an appropriate setting would be the farm where two farmers were hacked to death last year by a mob singing that as they went about their work.

South Africa is currently up in arms about the issue with racial divisions once more coming to the fore.

And one local group came out yesterday and said: "We think Bono is perhaps not fully informed about what the position is. I guess he doesn't know about the polarisation it caused last year. It's good practice for any visitor not to pass a comment on the affairs in their first week here."

How dare they insult the great man -- don't they know he single-handedly ended world hunger, brought peace and love to Northern Ireland instituted Glasnost in Russia.

Honestly, the cheek of some people ...

Well, that sums it up…

The weekend was a rather mixed bag.

On the one hand, we blew a rare opportunity to beat a France team that was there for the taking.

Honestly, when you outscore the French three tries to one and still lose the bloody game, then you know have to give yourself a good kicking.

And then there was . . . that Rooney goal. . .

It doesn't matter who you follow, or even if like football at all, when you see something of such grace and beauty and such perfect execution, you know are in the presence of brilliance.

And how to describe it?

Well, my brother Dan summed it up perfectly -- he's a committed gamer and spends more of his time than is healthy perfecting his moves on PlayStation 3's FIFA World Cup.

And, as he says himself: "You couldn't even do a move like that in the bloody PlayStation game, let alone in real life."

A goal for the ages.

Irish Independent