Sunday 21 July 2019

Ian O'Doherty: But they have kids -- so they come first

Ian O'Doherty

Ian O'Doherty

Frankly, going into most supermarkets has become an exercise in frustration. Constant innovations mean you never actually know where anything is and, worse, self-service tills have been introduced -- which resulted in ignominy in Dunnes in the Stephen's Green centre for me last week as I spent 10 minutes waiting like a lemon for a checkout person to come along until I realised that I was meant to put the money into some sort of an electronic till.

But even before you get in the door of the average supermarket, there are plenty of irritants to put you in the horrors.

And, one of the personal bugbears is this new fad of having specially reserved parking spots for families.

Now, I am a complete fascist when it comes to able-bodied people using disabled parking spaces. You just don't.

But these family spots are a different story and a new survey in Britain shows that many parents are furious that some people don't respect these spots.

One mother whinged: "All it takes is a little consideration from other shoppers to keep spaces free, but it is clear that the space invaders are too selfish to think of the needs of families."

Listen, sweetheart -- you chose to have kids, some people choose not to, why should you get preferential treatment?

Frankly, from now on I'm going to deliberately park in these spots -- spite is, after all, a wonderful thing. (What are you talking about O'Doherty? You don't have a car! -- Ed)

Aw, the Germans are annoyed

As Britain celebrates 70 years since the Blitz, it's interesting to see some of the differing reactions.

More than 55,000 young men of Bomber Command died during the war, but because of the controversy over the Dresden bombing, they were never properly recognised after the war -- the only arm of the British military that was shunned in such a way.

It was a disgraceful calumny against brave young men who fought and died in horrific conditions, and it is only now that a memorial for them has been set up -- but there are opponents.

Obviously, the usual lunatic fringe are against 'glorifying' war, but when you consider these people are the first the Nazis would have put up against a wall and shot, you realise their opinions count for naught.

But in an extraordinary display of chutzpah -- not a word you would normally associate with a German when discussing the war, but there you go -- the Mayor of Dresden has condemned the memorial, saying: "The British people are being asked to honour and pay homage at a shrine to the killers of defenceless men, women and children."

Honestly -- you have to admire the balls of a German giving out about innocent people being killed during the war.

But when you think about it -- a German politician trying to dictate to the British what they can and can't do?

Um, haven't we been here before?

Planning permission for the memorial was granted in May and they’ve raised £3m towards the memorial but need a further £1.9m by 31st October in order for the build to go ahead. Donations can be made at www.bombercommand.com

When one is definitely not enough

Michael O'Leary is like the Brian Clough of the aviation industry -- brilliant, resourceful, unique and utterly infuriating.

Just when you think he can't get any worse he'll come out with something that makes perfect sense and just when you think he's a great guy, he'll say or do something that drives you mad.

But one suspects his latest big idea might be one of his legendary pranks.

In his never-ending quest to save money he has come up with a new wheeze -- eliminate co-pilots.

He reckons airlines could save millions over the next few years if they used only one pilot and he says: "The other fella is only there to make sure the first pilot doesn't fall asleep and knock over the computer controls."

Well, call me a big scaredy-cat if you want, but personally, I feel a bit safer knowing that there is, indeed, another person in the cockpit to make sure the first pilot doesn't fall asleep and knock over the controls.

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned like that.

Suffer the little people

With a new movie to promote, the Pakistan disaster couldn't have come at a better time for Angelina Jolie.

Having never met a disaster she didn't like, Jolie was quick to head off to Pakistan -- in full, fetching, repressive head gear, natch -- to show the peasants that they might be starving, dying of cholera and typhus and suffering from chronic dysentery, but at least they can take succour from the fact that Lara Croft has deigned to use them as backdrop in a photo-shoot.

According to her: "I am very moved by them and I hope to be able to do something to help bring attention to the situation for all of the people in need in Pakistan. This is not just a humanitarian disaster; it is an economic and social catastrophe."

And, indeed, she is right.

Although her perch on the moral high ground is rather lowered by the fact that she has just splashed out $40m on a giant pad in Italy ...

How many of her beloved Pakistanis could have benefited from that type of money?

Answer -- probably none, because most of the aid money is being filtered away by corrupt politicians or the Taliban.

But hey, if it makes Angelina feel good about herself, that's all that matters, right?

Ian Spied

Couch Potato

3E has some interesting shows right now, and the best of them is undoubtedly Community, which stars the great Joel McHale, better known as host of The Soup.

McHale is a smart-assed lawyer forced by the bar to go back to a ramshackle community college where, it is safe to say, standards are low.

Sample quote: "Word of advice: If an Asian man says he's a Spanish teacher, it's not racist to ask for some proof."

Book Worm

He's one of the fastest mouths in America, and Dennis Miller is an unusual thing -- an American comedian who is both extremely funny and rather right-wing. Check out The Rant Zone, where he lays down a scorched-earth policy against those that annoy him.

Irish Independent

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