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Ian O'Doherty: An apology to all his fans

There are times when this column, thrusting, virile, read and adored by literally one or two people, simply goes too far.

In the white heat of deadline frenzy, sometimes things are said and written which just cannot be taken back.

And yesterday was a case in point. In fact, ISpy was bang out of order and we were quickly taken to task on what we said.

And the transgression?

Well, while discussing Oliver Stone's new documentary on the links between American big business and some of the more unsavoury despots of the 20th century, we referred to Adolf Hitler as "that sexually inadequate Austrian midget".

This, apparently, was beyond the pale.

Because as outraged reader Shane Quinn pointed out: "Mr O'Doherty, pease don't call the leader of the Wehrmacht a 'sexually inadequate Austrian midget' . Hitler was 5ft 9, about average for a man of that time. Whether he was sexually inadequate or not was never anyone's business but his own. Do you not find it odd that you mention any other man's sexual shortcomings?"

Well, that's a first -- ISpy has offended the sensibilities of numerous people and interest groups in recent times -- but we never thought we'd piss people off because we slagged Hitler.

So, may we apologise to his many Irish fans for any distress we may have caused.

LADS, LOOK AWAY NOW

Do you have friends? Are you close to someone in particular? The term, one is led to believe, is 'Bromance', where two straight blokes have a long and enduring and not at all gay friendship.

But the whole bromance thing went a bit too far for two German men the other night.

According to Bild newspaper, the pair had been out drinking and retired to one of the men's apartments.

They started to talk and one thing led to another with one of them blurring the line between a manly hug -- like the Mafia do it -- and went a bit fruitier.

Sadly, however, his mate wasn't into it and suggested that they cool it, which, when you think about it, is a reasonable request.

And how did his buddy take it?

Well, according to prosecutors: "He ripped off his friends testicles and hurled them out the window."

But there is a happy ending -- as opposed to a happy finish -- the report goes on to say that "police later found the testicles in the snow".

So, you see -- the cold snap did have some good points.

ALMS FOR ALLAH

Anjem Choudary, an old sparring partner of this column -- we had to stop seeing each other because of his increasingly obvious sexual attraction towards me -- is certainly good at gaining publicity.

The guy who says that he won't rest until Britain and Ireland are Islamic republics has been in the news lately because of his aborted plans to hold a Muslim march through the British town where dead soldiers are repatriated.

It was an obnoxious, despicable idea, but no more than we have come to expect from these people. And, like so many of his brethren, the work-shy sponger is also surviving on benefits from the state he wants to destroy.

But he sees no problem or contradiction with this scenario.

He trousers nearly 30 grand a year in handouts but says: "I am not doing anything illegal. If we were living under shariah there would be free food, clothing and shelter for all."

And while that's a mind-bogglingly stupid argument -- what civilised person would want to live under that savage and medieval form of law? -- he then further justifies his indolence by saying: "The money belongs to Allah and if it is there you take it."

So that's a first -- a Muslim admitting that Allah is a benefits cheat.

Is that in the Koran?

Irish Independent