Climate change or starving babies – so what bothers you more?
The UN has released its latest report into global warming or, as we're now meant to call it, climate change.
And, like all UN reports, it should be treated with the same kind of scepticism and contempt that greets every utterance that is farted out of the bowels of that corrupt, counterproductive, bloated and profoundly dangerous organisation. One could quite easily make the argument that the United Nations is the single most pernicious and wickedly pointless body operating in the world right now – a vast, massive idiocractic bureaucracy that specialises in wasting money and time and accommodating lunatics. In fact, you could also say that the UN dropped any pretence of morality or relevance roughly 20 years ago, when they sat back and did nothing in Rwanda – a feat or truly depraved indifference that has forever consigned their name to damnation.
Yet people still insist on bowing before the clay claws of this counterproductive behemoth and their latest warning is this – unless we all stop driving our cars and using air travel and unless we start paying more green taxes, we're all going to die. Oh yeah, and let's not forget the UN's other recent contribution to the debate, which was to blame Western meat eaters for methane emissions from cows, and their suggestion that we all go vegetarian.
Even Ireland's very own UN big cheese, Mary Robinson, a woman who never met a meaningless platitude she didn't like, was quick to hop on the bandwagon – don't worry, it was a Prius – when she informed us that: "A global framework for sustainable development that acknowledges the impacts of climate change and an international climate agreement that is fair and legally binding is required to keep our people and our planet safe. It is critical that we choose policies that are transformative, not revisionist."
Indeed. One couldn't have elucidated more unclearly oneself.
It says a lot about Robinson's ability to stand anywhere and wibble meaninglessly with the best of them that even the UN's main report managed to make more sense than she did. But it was interesting to note that they claimed man made emissions have increased more in the last decade than in the previous 30 years.
And this is where the argument becomes interesting.
Because if you want to stop climate change, you must automatically be happy to see black babies die. Or you are happy to let brown and yellow babies live in misery, squalor and fear. And are you happy with that?
I'm going to be a bit presumptuous here and suggest that, maybe, you're not all that happy with starving children. If anything, they end up on the news and make you feel guilty when you're eating your dinner.
But where do you think the massive increase in emissions is coming from? America? No. Europe? Are you mad?
No, the biggest polluters and biggest emissions are coming from emerging countries and superpowers such as India and China who have spent the last decade engaged in a process of massive industrialisation, hence the spike in emissions
Someone like Robinson and her idiot followers can change to as many crap light bulbs, or buy as many bad cars, as they want. And Robbo can continue to fly around the world and further engorge her carbon footprint wagging her fingers at gullible, guilt ridden Westerners all she wants. But one uncomfortable fact remains – the people who matter in all this couldn't give a toss what Robinson or Al Gore or Duncan Stewart have to say.
Because the only way to drag your people out of poverty and starvation is industrialisation – of food, of the economy, of the way they live their lives.
Increased living standards and life expectancy comes through industrialisation and with that comes pollution and with pollution comes emissions – which is making poor Mammy Earth feel unwell.
So what do you want? Clean air or dead babies?
Answers on an eco-friendly post card whenever you have the answer ...
HERE'S AN IDEA.
IT'S CRAZY. BUT IT MIGHT WORK
So, lots of people are upset with columnist John Waters and his demonstrably daft claim that there is no such thing as depression and the whole thing is just some sort of emotional scam. Of course, anyone who has encountered depression knows there's a difference between someone suffering from a clinical condition and someone who is, to use one friend's phrase, 'a bit moody'.
But for all those people who are hopping up and down in their quest to be seen as so much more enlightened that Waters – and trust me, I am no defender of the man – here's an idea that seems to have escaped most people: just let it go. Ignore it. Don't let it ruin your day or get upset about it
You do know that when people talk about your essential five-a-day, they're talking about fruit, not things to be publicly outraged about?
INCLUDE ME OUT
So, some bright sparks in Dublin City Council spent yesterday discussing the idea of a cable car for the city. The €80m project would see a cable car operate above the Liffey from the Docklands to Heuston Station.
Now, leaving aside the fact that it will never happen – I can see one group of citizens who would most heartily approve of such a scheme.
And they, of course, would be the great and good of Dublin who would be only too delighted to line up along the river banks to celebrate the cable car's inaugural journey – by bringing every gat and slingshot they can find to fire stuff at it.
Frankly, going from the Docklands to the train station in a cable car would be the most hazardous flying mission since the Yanks tried day-light bombing over Germany.
I can see the hail of ack-ack being launched from the quays even as I write this.