Monday 21 January 2019

Are you looking for a conspiracy theory? Just ask Jim Corr

Ian O'Doherty

Ian O'Doherty

Tin foil helmet? Check. Michael Moore's Politics For Dummies? Check. Noam Chomsky T-shirt? Check. Ah, Jim Corr, let this column be the first to salute you.

The ugly one from The Corrs has always looked like a bit of a mental vacuum, and he proved our suspicions on Matt Cooper's Last Word last week, when he informed the grateful nation that 9/11 was, of course, the work of those nasty Americans who wanted to invent an excuse to invade Iraq and Afghanistan and anyone else who objected to their plans for a New World Order.

These theories started on September 12, of course, as every looper, conspiracy freak and I-Hate-America loon convinced themselves that this was the work of The Great Satan.

And, in the days and weeks following the defining event of our life time, the wackos were out in force -- either America committed the deed itself, or America deserved to have it done to them.

Or maybe it was the Israelis, was another theory, who warned all the Jews to stay at home that day so Mossad could destroy the buildings.

That one didn't stand up too well when it then emerged that plenty of Jews, along with Christians, Muslims and people of other faiths also perished.

But eventually all but the most deluded and factually illiterate realised that they had been acting like eejits and they quietly retreated back to the shadows leaving the arena clear for, well, for people like Jim Corr.

Corr is a tragic victim of Sean Penn Syndrome.

This chronic condition means the patient believes that because they are moderately famous, their opinions are therefore desperately sought out by us mere plebeians.

Thus, goes the logic, if you liked Sean Penn in a movie, you will also like his demented world view.

And, stretching the Syndrome to near breaking point, if you liked Corr in whatever musical masterpiece the band have released, then you want to hear his views on 9/11 and the Lisbon Treaty.

The Treaty, he helpfully informed us, was part of the New World Order, it would introduce the death penalty and would finally see the Illuminati reveal themselves. Or something.

Penn, for instance, alongside those perennial campaigners of the Left, Tim Robbins and his mother Susan Sarandon, needs no evidence for any of the myriad mad claims they have made, they just know that America is bad, foreign dictatorships are good and they live in a world so touched in the head that they actually think the Bush administration would be competent enough to pull this off.

It's touching in a way, after all the evidence to the contrary, that anyone could still believe this inept, corrupt and venal regime, which still can't extricate itself from Iraq or manage the deficit, could perpetrate the most brilliant hoax since the Reichstag fire.

They exhibit the same deluded self-belief that allowed Sharon Stone to so spectacularly frag her own career with her incredible remarks about the Chinese earthquake being Karmic retribution to the Chinese for not being nice enough to "my good friend" the Dalai Lama.

Cue outrage in China, Stone being dropped by Dior and facing ruin in Hollywood; a town where weird beliefs are not uncommon but these beliefs still fall before the imperative of the bottom line -- it wouldn't even matter if Stone could actually act, she is going to be kryptonite to producers now.

That shouldn't matter so much to Corr, who bestrides the world of music like a veritable colossus.

In fact, if anyone is looking for a proper conspiracy theory there is this one -- who the hell made the Corrs successful? The Bilderbergs? The Masons? Louis Walsh? The public have a right to know.

Maybe we should get Michael Moore on the case.

But he brings up another issue -- I was planning on voting No to Lisbon, despite being in the unusual and extremely uncomfortable position of being on the same side as Youth Defence and the Shinners, to name but two.

But voting the same way as the bloke who brought us Forgiven not Forgotten? That's just a step too far.

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