Irish Social Stere O'Types: The Anti-Smoking Puritan
Lips: Pursed. Eyes: Sharp and beady, like a merciless bird of prey.
Nose: Permanently crinkled as a pre-emptive defence against the foul odour of tobacco smoke
Voice: Tighter than piano wire
Overall expression: A sort of sanctimonious disgust
Overweening passion: Hatred for smoking that regularly skirts the psychopathic
Annual tradition: Bemoaning why the minister didn't put 10 euro on every packet in the Budget
Likes: Interfering with other adults' choices
Loves: Detailing exactly how grisly a premature death they can expect
Frequently used terms: Each cigarette takes six minutes off your life; it's a filthy habit; please respect me enough to not smoke in my presence; tobacco causes 97 different forms of cancer; don't you care about your children, at least?; stop blowing death in my face!
Doesn't seem to realise: Everyone is guaranteed to die of something eventually
Current campaign: Mandatory prison sentences for smoking inside a car within 500 metres of a school or playground
Also doesn't realise: That the cars themselves spew out toxic gunk in far greater quantities than feeble little ciggies
Secretly feels: Everyone who dies of smoking-related diseases deserved it: for their stupidity, moral turpitude and pig-headed refusal to go along with what she says
Existential conundrum: Is it possible to make smoking fully illegal, but somehow hold onto the €2billion in taxes it raises each year?
Likely quote: "There are 4,000 equally dangerous chemicals in every cigarette, did you know that?"
Unlikely quote: "Give us a drag there would you, I'm hanging for a fag."