Wednesday 16 January 2019

What would I do if I were a millennial?

I could open a barber shop that is also an avocado shop, called Avahaircut
I could open a barber shop that is also an avocado shop, called Avahaircut
Brendan O'Connor

Brendan O'Connor

Do you ever wonder what you would do if you were a millennial? In terms of a job? I think it's a good exercise to do, just to ascertain how much of a dinosaur you are, and how long more likely to be remotely relevant. And also to make sure you're not stuck in a rut, that you could survive if civilization collapsed in the morning and we all had to start again. If you can easily think of what you would do if you were, say, 25, then you are clearly still employable and you might still have a hope when the robots take over all the jobs our generation does.

I've been thinking about it myself. What would I do if I were a millennial? I have no discernible, what you might call, skills, but then, that doesn't seem to stop some of the millennials. The term 'skills' is a broader term these days than it was when I was young. When I was young, in order to have skills, you had to do an Anco course.

Those of us who went to actual university got no skills apart from maybe reading, doing exams, drinking and being insufferable arseholes. Technically I have expertise in the area of marketing. But it was kind of gentleman's marketing. The marketing they taught in college did not make you able to do marketing, more it would have prepared you to teach other people abstract concepts about marketing. I also majored in management. This qualifies me to know the theory of running a really large organisation, like a conglomerate or a multinational. There were lots of us in the class. I really wonder how many of us actually ended up as the CEO of a large organisation. I know one did for sure. Beyond that, I suspect it may have been zero.

Although some of us no doubt ended up unable to be the CEO of a large organisation but somehow able to tell an actual CEO how to do it, never having done it ourselves. That's what's known as consultancy and it's a growth industry as ass-covering and being afraid to take decisions becomes more rampant among CEO types and their fellow managers.

So frankly, based on my education and my skill set, if I was a millennial I don't think they'd be queuing up to ask me to be the CEO of large organisations. "Have you studied Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, The Boston Box and some case studies about 3M from now 30-year-old issues of the Harvard Business Review? We're looking for a CEO and we think you could be our man!"

I've been looking around to see what it is millennials do and I have come to the conclusion that if I was one I would probably start a business, given that getting a job involves either knowing about computers or else putting a large box of rapidly cooling pizzas on my back and cycling around town.

So what business would I start? I notice a few barbershops that are also coffee shops popping up near our office on Talbot Street. Clearly it's a thing. Clearly one millennial had a brainwave one day: "Millennials like haircuts. Millennials like coffee. I know! A barber/coffee shop, where people can have either a coffee, a haircut, or both."

I like this idea of bringing together two complementary things that millennials like under the same roof. Obviously the coffee/barber shop has been done now and if the Talbot Street area is representative, there are two of them every few hundred yards. Which must be approaching saturation point.

I'm thinking I could do a variation on it, like maybe a barber shop that is also an avocado shop? Called Avahaircut. Or maybe I need to think of two different things that millennials like outside of the haircut thing, and bring them together.

Maybe a tattoo parlour where you can also watch Love Island? Or possibly a place where people can take offence while also having brunch?

Or what about a vegan vinyl record shop?

OK. I'll keep thinking.

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