Friday 24 November 2017

Time for lull in gull cull mull

'If the seagulls had, according to Ned O'Sullivan, lost the run of themselves last summer, this summer we lost the run of ourselves about the seagulls'
'If the seagulls had, according to Ned O'Sullivan, lost the run of themselves last summer, this summer we lost the run of ourselves about the seagulls'
Brendan O'Connor

Brendan O'Connor

As collective fits of madness go it was a reasonably harmless one. Harmless that is, unless you were a seagull or one of their increasing number of victims. If the seagulls had, according to Ned O'Sullivan, lost the run of themselves last summer, this summer we lost the run of ourselves about the seagulls. As the ante was upped in seagull crimes during the week, you felt it was only a matter of time before we blamed them for the economic collapse. "A seagull landed on my head Joe, bold as brass, and told me to borrow more money."

What started with a bit of harmless food-grabbing quickly degenerated into sheep-killing and knocking lads off motorbikes in Kerry. They were even snatching phones. We were just short of blaming them for coming over here and taking our jobs or organised begging.

As the week went on everyone became an expert in seagulls and we began to build a psychological profile of the offenders. According to several reports they are fans of Marks and Spencer sandwiches. Eating on the run seems to provoke them, and a child with an ice cream is a magnet for them.

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