Saturday 18 August 2018

My revolutionary new diet of diets

The pear is my current fruit of choice, but I may go back to oranges
The pear is my current fruit of choice, but I may go back to oranges
Brendan O'Connor

I was getting a bit edgy in my final weekend of Christmas idleness. I could barely get into most of my clothes and was limited to the slightly fatter end of my wardrobe. I was sick of drink and sick of people and I felt the need of the monastery. So I soothed myself by reading all the various January diets that were floating around. I wasn't demanding much, just the instant loss of about a stone without too much sacrifice.

A lot of them seemed a bit complicated and a lot of them seemed a bit light on the food side of things. There was no way I was just living on juice, or 800 calories a day, or fasting for two days a week, or for any days a week. What I was looking for was a trend. What were the new simple directives that kept cropping up across all the diets that I could half adopt to try to lose some weight.

And I found it. No breakfast. No breakfast, you see, has become a thing. Well, specifically two meals has become a thing. And a kind of 16-hour fast. This was the perfect diet for me. I never really liked breakfast much. I never used to eat a breakfast until everyone started saying that skipping breakfast made you gain weight. Turns out it doesn't. There's new thinking now around breakfast. Skipping breakfast cuts you down to two meals a day. And it also gives you a long fast. I gather the thinking now among some of the so-called experts is that you should do all your eating in one eight-hour window, and then fast for the other 16 hours. This sounds tricky until you realise that the eight hours you are asleep is included in the 16. And, by the way, you should be getting at least eight hours sleep. Have you read the Sunday supplements? Sleep is the most important thing ever. You should be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to get enough sleep.

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