Helping us with our inquiries
Enda Kenny has finally caved in to pressure from the Opposition and has announced not one but two State inquiries into Enda Kenny. The Taoiseach has apparently told colleagues he wants to get to the bottom of himself once and for all and that these inquiries will answer all his questions and point to a way forward.
One of the inquiries will be conducted by a former judge who is now dead. The late judge will have unprecedented powers of inquiry and will also be allowed to summon up witnesses. The late judge will have as much time as he wishes to come to any conclusions he might have. The other inquiry will be a full State inquiry which will be preceded by a scoping exercise. The scoping exercise is deemed necessary because of Mr Kenny's age and the amount of time he spends on bicycles.
Mr Kenny's critics in Fine Gael are furious about this latest move, saying it is just an effort by Mr Kenny to kick himself down the road for another year or two. "He has effectively avoided yet another contentious issue, that of himself, by kicking himself into an inquiry," said one furious backbencher. "So now we have put off dealing with this issue, that of Enda Kenny, until after Mr Kenny retires."