Saturday 25 November 2017

2016 State papers revealed

Enda Kenny. Photo: Getty
Enda Kenny. Photo: Getty
Brendan O'Connor

Brendan O'Connor

January 3, 2047: State papers released today from 2016 show that those close to then Taoiseach, Enda Kenny, were getting very concerned about his behaviour as Ireland 'celebrated' the 1916 centenary.

In dispatches, aides expressed worry that the Taoiseach was increasingly dressing in military garb. One senior civil servant was alarmed to enter the Taoiseach's office to find Mr Kenny next to a large table with maps on it, around which he was moving small ships, cars and, indeed, the dog from a game of Monopoly.

Another staff member confided in an email that the Taoiseach was increasingly demanding that he be referred to as "Mick" or just "Collins". The Taoiseach was also apparently getting increasingly paranoid about travelling anywhere by car, saying he had to be careful of flying columns and Crosby tenders.

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