Tuesday 20 March 2018

Umpteen reasons why this heatwave sucks and the sun should go to blazes

THE man was upset. "I have a hundred of cabbage set and the heat will kill 'em," he said. Sapling cabbages are as thirsty as TDs after a long night passing legislation.

Ah, but I love the sun, and the heatwave, like the recession, is set to continue. I don't think there's anything better for the human condition than walking on Ballybunion beach with the waves licking your toes and "not a furze bush between here and America".

The cabbage patch man told me his tongue was as dry as a keerawn – a word for a small piece of turf that has fallen off the mother sod. He hopes the sun goes away to Spain, he said, and so in the interest of balance I thought it only fair that we should represent the views of those who hate sunny weather.

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