Monday 18 December 2017

'President Erect' is my cousin - and I'm a spy tasked with saving jobs for Ireland

'Trump blood is flowing through my veins and I can do nothing about it. Now I know what it's like to have been bitten by a vampire.' Photo: Joshua Roberts/Reuters
'Trump blood is flowing through my veins and I can do nothing about it. Now I know what it's like to have been bitten by a vampire.' Photo: Joshua Roberts/Reuters

BillyKeane

My people asked me travel to Washington, on bended knee, and to meet 'The Great White Father'.

For some time now I have kept the secret. My life will never be the same. That much I know but as I sit here weeping on the banks of the Potomac I think of the words of another president, one of our own, from Wexford. JFK said: "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."

My fingers are suspended over the keyboard like a primed guillotine. And it's my head that will fall into the basket by the butcher's block. I know that once I write the next sentence, I am condemning me to a life of misery.

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