Billy Keane: We'd better watch our step or there'll be no more furry mink hats
The Russians have annexed Crimea. The Free World has threatened the Russians with terrible sanctions, such as blacklisting Soviet TV commentators and banning furry hats made from mink.
As if the bosses of Russia care a whit. The ordinary Russians might suffer but the leaders will be all right. This has always been the way in Russia irrespective of who is in control. The Czars had a lovely palace in Biarritz and I had a gin and tonic there by way of a cure on the Monday after a Munster Heineken Cup game. No, the bosses will be fine. As we speak, Vladimir Putin is probably having breakfast. A serf takes the cap off his egg. He turns to a minion and says: "What I miss the most is the Athea Black Pudding." He asks an aide to see if there is anything Russia can do to retaliate against Ireland.
"No," says his first minster, "the Irish are already shagged. There is nothing worth sanctioning, your wonderfulness." Putin is still annoyed though.