Thursday 5 December 2019

Basic B*tch: 'Prosecco made me do it'

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Stock picture

Ciara O'Connor

Prosecco with the girls, Prosecco with my lovelies. Prosecco with elderflower and half a strawberry, ooh, very posh - one of your five-a-day! Three glasses of Prosecco, please - shall we just get a bottle?

Prosecco, for the day that's in it. Prosecco, it's Christmas! Prosecco, shur it's a Tuesday! Prosecco? We must have something to celebrate.

Pyjamas: "Prosecco made me do it!"

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A doormat: "Come in if you have Prosecco!"

Prosecco tea bags and Prosecco crisps. Prosecco-scented candles.

Prosecco, the dryer the better. Aren't all drinks wet, though? Prosecco headaches. Prosecco mornings after Prosecco nights. Prosecco: it's actually nicer than Champagne in my opinion, I don't even like Champagne. Prosecco: you know, I'm allergic to wine, but Prosecco is fine. Prosecco and Love Actually, Prosecco and miniature Brie and cranberry tartlets, Prosecco because you're exhausted and can't think of the name of another drink that isn't Prosecco. Prosecco: mummy juice!

Do you want to buy a birthday card for a woman in your life without a reference to Prosecco on it? Make one yourself, you idiot, for that card does not exist.

Cheeky Prosecco, Prosecco from a tumbler, Prosecco from a tea cup, Prosecco from a jam jar, Prosecco straight from the tiny bottle on a train.

Whose glass is whose? It doesn't matter, they're all Prosecco. Prosecco: isn't it funny that we never noticed men's bums when we were in our 20s?

Never spend more than a tenner on a bottle: for god's sake, it's Prosecco!

An apron: "I put the pro in Prosecco". A gym top: "I run because I really like Prosecco".

A personality: Prosecco.

How many bottles should we order for the hen weekend? Prosecco in a hot tub. Prosecco with an ice cube, don't worry, I'll finish it before it melts. It's not too early to drink! It's only Prosecco! Waiter - just bring the bottle, come on - don't you trust us? It's bottomless, anyway! We'll save you a job.

Prosecco, Prosecco. Ah, Prosecco.

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