Tuesday 16 January 2018

Billy Keane: Woe is me, I'm sick -- in the run-up to seven days of the best fun ever

They took out my tonsils a long, long time ago. But one grew back. I'll bet if the doctors cut off my leg it wouldn't have grown back. Only sore things grow back.

Now the tonsil on the left is swollen to the size of a turnip. The one on the right is fine. It's dormant. My theory is there were two surgeons. One was vastly experienced and he did the right tonsil. The other surgeon was a trainee. "Go on," says the old doctor, "you have a go at the left one. For the bit of practice."

"Oh feckit," exclaims the young butcher, "but I think I've left a bit of a stump."

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