Tuesday 16 January 2018

Water bills signal baby boom

Pat Fitzpatrick

ANY idea what your annual water bill might be? No? Join the club. Phil Hogan's announcement last week left us knowing slightly less than we did before. The only certainty is that we can't afford it.

The biggest change will be in the population. It will probably be 15 million by the end of the decade. That's what happens when you give people a free water allowance for every extra child. There's more. The allowance runs out when the 'child' reaches 18. There goes the whole staying at home with your parents until your mid-30s thing. Get out and pay for your own showers. Your parents can't afford it.

The water charge is great news for pubs. Forget about letting old fellas drive around the country after three pints in order to maintain the fabric of rural Ireland. They'll gladly pop in there every night for a couple of rock shandys as long as they can use the toilets.

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