Wednesday 20 February 2019

The Week-ipedia: Chris and Gwyneth's Goopy uncoupling

Gwyneth Paltrow, with former husband, singer Chris Martin
Gwyneth Paltrow, with former husband, singer Chris Martin
Kim Bielenberg

Kim Bielenberg

The split of singer Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow, the actress known as "Goop", caused an internet sensation.

Most interest centred on the couple's dewy-eyed description of their parting as "conscious uncoupling".

Wags inevitably speculated that Martin, dubbed Coldplay's new single, was now free from faddish health food strictures. He was said to be waking up to a "breakfast of bacon, sausage, fried egg, black pudding, a cheeseburger and maybe part of a sheep".

Now that divorce is to be known as "conscious uncoupling", Time magazine offered a dictionary of similar Goopy terms.

Joint custody will now be known as "Time-Managed Co-Parenting". And paying maintenance will be "Compassionate Post-Conscious Uncoupling Resource Distribution".

 

* It was a moving ceremony indeed as Barack Obama this week laid a wreath on Flanders field in tribute to troops who died there a century ago in World War I.

One felt a certain sympathy for one reporter who was dispatched to Flanders in recent days. He took a call from his newsdesk: "Are there any First World War veterans there you can interview?"

Considering the last known veteran died two years ago that might have been a tall order.

 

Good Week

Kim Jong-Un

It was reported that all male university students in North Korea are now required to get the same haircut as their revered leader Kim Jong-un. The state-sanctioned guideline was introduced in the capital Pyongyang about two weeks ago. It's shave or die, kids.

Cork

Cork topped a list of under-rated cities that tourists should see in their lifetime.

The Huffington Post named "the real capital" for its "welcoming, laid-back vibe".

We'll just say that to Roy Keane next time we see him: "We love your welcoming, laid-back vibe. Chill out, ya langer."

Bad Week

Bishop of Bling

The Vatican finally removed ostentatious bishop Tebartz-van Elst from office after he blew €31m on his palace.

His spree included €15,000 on a bath, €25,000 on a table and over €2m on a courtyard with holy water fountains.

The rest he just wasted.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

At a Dáil committee, TD Patrick O'Donovan attacked RTÉ for showing Chitty Chitty Bang Bang too much at Christmas.

"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was big in 1964, but it isn't any more," said the TD of the 1968 movie.

Perhaps he's like us and had bad dreams about the Child Catcher.

 

Headline of the Week

GUINEA BANS BAT EATING TO CURB EBOLA SPREAD, WARNS ON RATS
– Bloomberg

 

Quotables

"You essentially sacked him."

Micheál Martin to Taoiseach Enda Kenny in the Dáil after the retirement of Garda Commissioner Martin Callinan.

 

TwittEire

The Shattergate rumpus and the crisis in the gardaí was even affecting the children of broadcasters this week.

@boucherhayes

5yo: "Daddy, will you go to work and get the police to be good so we can turn off the radio?" 2yo: "Yeah, naughty police ... bad radio!"

Who do we turn to in tumultuous times like this?

@GarvanGrant

So, we can't trust the government, Gardaí, the civil service and the banks. Thank God for the Church.

In the week when she gave birth, former minister Lucinda Creighton, was moved to comment.

@LCreighton

One thing for sure this isn't the democratic revolution people voted for in 2011. Seems more & more like the chaos of last govt #notgoodenough

A few months ago everything seemed so much simpler.

@electionlit

To think a few months back senior Gardaí thought a real life Garda being in Love Hate was an issue!

#gsoc #shatter

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