Saturday 18 November 2017

Helen Moorhouse: D is for daughter? Cue frenzy of silly speculation about the royal bump

Kate Middleton
Kate Middleton

ROLL up, roll up! Come marvel at the spectacle! Gaze upon the regal protuberance! Wonder at the amazing travelling foetus and its pretty, polished, hostess! Look at her silken hair, gasp at her coat that still fits! Behold, a pregnant woman – before your very eyes!

She might be rich, pretty, slim and go on lots of holidays, but as the Duchess of Cambridge starts 'showing at work', as it were, I have to admit that I feel nothing but sympathy as press and public descend on her in earnest, like that scene from 'Finding Nemo' with the seagulls – all beady-eyed, vacant stares and thrusting necks; all squawking; "mine, mine, mine. . ."

So, the latest is that Kate went on a day trip to experience the sights and smells of the seaport of Grimsby. And while there, politely shaking hands and accepting Poundland teddies, she apparently let slip the words: "Thank you, I'll take that for my d. . ."

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