Monday 19 November 2018

Eilis O'Hanlon: Glibness above and beyond the call of duty

Following his latest comment, Eilis O'Hanlon is tempted to give 'noonan' a whole new meaning

ACTIVISTS in America were so outraged by Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum's comments allegedly comparing being gay to bestiality and child abuse that they started a competition to find a new meaning for the former US senator's surname.

The winner is too vulgar to print, but remains the top answer when you search the word "santorum" on Google. The campaign skirted the line of decency, and indeed raised questions about possible bullying, because Rick isn't the only one to share his surname, there are plenty of children too; but, as revenge goes, it beats violence any day.

Maybe it's time to coin a new definition for Finance Minister Michael Noonan's surname too. With a bit of effort, "noonan" could come to have a whole new meaning: "Oh no, I've just stepped on a pile of noonan in my new shoes ... no, I can't go out clubbing tonight because I've developed a really nasty dose of noonan ... hey, get your paws off my noonan, you filthy little pervert!" Or perhaps we should just keep the meaning closer to its original progenitor and define a "noonan" as a "crass insensitive remark guaranteed to tick off as many potential voters as is humanly possible".

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