Monday 19 March 2018

Drive to be coolest celeb turns Jolie into a party pooper

Angelina needs to lighten up, stop moralising and shine her ethical spotlight a little closer to home, writes Eilis O'Hanlon

The Guardian last week carried a list of the top 10 questions which science still has to answer. What is consciousness? Are we alone in the universe? Is there a pattern to prime numbers? All fascinating stuff. Sadly, no one thought to demand answers to the most puzzling mystery of all: why on earth did Brad Pitt ever leave the delightful Jennifer Aniston for the humourless tub of self-importance that is Angelina Jolie?

Yes, I know that Angelina is frequently cited at the top of all those polls of the world's hottest women; but such polls are generally conducted among teenage boys who have never been within 100 feet of an actual living, breathing woman and whose idea of what constitutes attractiveness rarely ventures beyond some fantasy Amazonian-breasted Lara Croft lookalike; a blow-up doll with enhanced lips. Brad Pitt is a grown man. A man who is purportedly intelligent. What does he see in her? Besides, that is, a fantasy Amazonian-breasted Lara Croft lookalike?

Any doubts that Angelina might be hiding her finer qualities under a bushel were dispelled by the news that she doesn't even celebrate Thanksgiving Day back home in Hollywood because she thinks it is "rewriting history". A friend of the Oscar-winning actress explains: "To celebrate what the white settlers did to the native Indians, the domination of one culture over another, just isn't her style. She definitely doesn't want to teach her multi-cultural family how to celebrate a story of murder."

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