IF you're reading this while having your Sunday morning cereal in the company of two other people, one of you is going to get cancer.
It could be you, it could be your partner – it could be one of your kids. And according to new information, your chances are increased if you're having milk with the cereal.
But it's nothing to do with the cereal itself. It's simple statistics. So since taking in this new information, I now eat breakfast alone and without milk, as I feel this obviously improves my odds! I don't really like milk anyway. But more on that later ...
The depressing statistic remains that one in three of us will be diagnosed with cancer at some point in our lives. But now fresh information has emerged on how to avoid getting cancer in the first place. These dietary strategies are rarely discussed by traditional healthcare professionals. Furthermore, much of this information is absolutely not what you'd ever expect ...
So don't worry about pints and fags and all the usual suspects; now it's the more infinitely innocent things that are trying to kill us. Things that our mothers told us would make us big and strong...
For starters, there's milk. We've been taken for a ride for a long time now by an industry filled with more spin than cigarettes. Living in fear of brittle bones as a result of a long-running ad campaign, fronted by a wooden man with questionable bone structure of his own, singing about how "them bones them bones need calcium".
He probably didn't even drink milk himself, the chancer. But what that peg-legged conman failed to mention, was that past infancy human bodies don't require milk anymore. We are the only mammals who continue to drink milk past infancy. Once fully formed, we receive all the calcium we need through our daily dietary intake.
And, let us not forget, at one point doctors endorsed certain brands of cigarettes. So now we need to rethink our attitude to sluicing down the cow-juice. Because milk (and all other dairy products) creates mucus. And cancer feeds and grows on this mucus.
And as for those lumps of red meat our mammies told us would make us big and strong? Red meat becomes putrefied in our intestinal systems, leading to a cancer-causing toxic buildup.
So who are we supposed to listen to now, if we can't even listen to our mothers?
But most interesting about this newly disclosed information is the claim that cancer cells raise their ugly heads unbeknownst to us between six and 10 times over the course of a persons lifespan.
It's up to the immune system to fight off the attack, which it usually successfully does, and nobody's any the wiser. It's when the immune system is weak that the cancer can grow and multiply. So in a sense, it's all down to timing.
The world's top cancer centres have declared this new information a hoax.
They continue to espouse the tried and tested methods – first surgery and then possibly radiation, chemotherapy or immunotherapy – heavily eschewing the dietary strategies outlined in this new information.
Of course, conspiracy theorists get overly excited telling us this is because cancer is big business – an industry in itself – with multi-billion dollars pharmaceutical interests at stake. And they have a valid point. By the year 2020, the cancer industry will be worth US$158bn. These same conspiracy theorists will tell you how governments are heavily influenced by the economic giants that manufacture the treatments for the world's most prevalent disease. One in three – that dreaded statistic – let's not forget.
But this fresh information has rapidly gained global trac-tion – and I think it's true. I have seen the results first hand. For the past 18 months I have filmed a 75-year-old man with stage four cancer gain four stone in weight – by employing the exact alternative dietary protocol outlined in this recent disputed press release. People with late-stage cancer do not usually gain four stone...
He started eating all manners of obscure nuts and berries; but most importantly, he completely changed his diet to an alkaline diet. Cancer cells cannot grow in an alkaline environment. So therefore if you create an alkaline environment in your body, cancer cells cannot multiply and develop.
So by following this procedure he'd researched, this man has defied all the odds. He refused any further traditional treatment; chemotherapy, radiation or surgery. He refused their conventional medications; even their painkillers. He took matters into his own hands. And it's definitely working.
I have seen cancer deaths first hand. I remember my big rugby-playing uncle giving me a final hug from his death bed in Tullinisk, the whole house kitted out with wheelchair ramps for a man who'd only months previously been in the thick of every ruck and maul for the taking. An architect by trade, he used to bring me to his house at the weekends, painting and drawing. We used to cheat on the Midland Tribune poster competitions – I'd win that fiver every week, drawing in extra features to his line drawing.
But the abiding thought that struck me that day I hugged my uncle for the last time, was that I was stronger than this frail skeleton of a man. I was nine.
A few days later, at his funeral a Beethoven piece that I'd been learning on the piano was playing as the coffin was being wheeled down the aisle. I could feel my mother behind me as we walked slowly behind the coffin, clutching deep into my thin shoulders for support, audibly distraught. I focused on the organ, trying to remember the finger movements of that Beethoven piece, trying to mentally transport myself away from the horrible situation. It was the day I learned that everything is finite.
I also remember my other uncle being lowered into the ground, while his wife and teenage family watched. I was a teenager then too, and while I understood it all a bit more, I still couldn't look at my uncle's cancer-ridden corpse, laid out in that cold funeral home. The only thing I learnt that day was how to survive endless handshakes.
I don't want to die of cancer, don't want to be a member of the pre-corpse club. But my childhood phobia of cancer has been eradicated by filming this inspirational man – a man who has decided he will not give in to this disease. A man who has spent years researching alternatives to the traditional cancer treatments. A man who has defied the expectations of all his doctors. A man who refuses to buy into the conventional mode of thinking. A man who simply refuses to give up.