Wednesday 13 December 2017

An bhfuil cead agam dul amach? I'm glad you asked me that

Going forward, Joseph O'Connor will not hark back to the past, has a vision and a plan and a record and a roadmap

My friends and fellow citizens, the election is approaching, and I want to take a moment to ask for your vote. Normally, I would do this opening paragraph of my speech in Irish, because it's always good to tack on a bit of the national language while the reporters are still settling down,

We urgently need a new kind of politics for Ireland. We must stop abusing our opponents and pretending we have all the answers, as I am worn-out explaining to the opposing party, the shower of puppy-kicking, spineless, alcoholic traitors; but do you think they'll ever listen, the frauds?

I hold out the hand of cooperation and patriotic friendship to these geek-headed dullards, and I say to them, in all sincerity, as one Irishman to another, in the new spirit of grown-up maturity required for these difficult times: 'Na na na NA na, your mum smells.'

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