Friday 13 December 2019

We're all safe now that Julien Blanc has been denied entry to the UK.

We're all safe now that Julien Blanc has been denied entry to the UK.

The pick-up artist's dodgy lectures on how to talk a woman into bed can be boiled down to 'treat 'em mean', but he charges men £1,200 for the privilege.

Blanc advertises his wares with bald statements like 'it's offensive, it's inappropriate, it's emotionally scarring, but it's damn effective. Just kidding.' What woman could resist?

Although when he refers to the 'bitch-shield' and women whose eyes light up like a little dog's, apparently he's not kidding.

But if you feel remotely threatened by Blanc's brand of bilge just read the summary of his techniques at Pimping My Game.

You can try for a sex-worthy reality with infallible methods to hit State, validation stacks and tiers of compliance.

Who writes this crap? Gwyneth Paltrow?

Anyone who gets to the end of the 28 pages of utter dross with any clue what he's talking about gets a chest wig and a gold medallion.

Blanc was planning to spread his God-awful gospel in Australia until Christmas, but he's just been thrown out after an Oz government spokesman said Blanc's sledgehammer sexism represented "values abhorrent to this country."

Oh come off it. Former Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard's most famous speech listed outrageous examples of misogyny among her political colleagues and that was only two years ago.

The UK's crime prevention minister claimed if Blanc was allowed to spread his message here "cases of sexual harassment and intimidation would increase."

That came just after the news that one in four reported sex crimes is not taken seriously by police. I don't think it's prats like Blanc who are a threat to women's safety. It's police forces which won't pursue criminal sexual predators.

Poor diddums Blanc has gone on damage limitation mode after footage emerged of him grabbing women by the neck and shoving their faces into his crotch. He recently complained he's now the most hated man in the world. That's Hitler off the hook.

I think we should let him in to the UK and let all those desperate idiots spend their £1,200.

Far from educating men in the ways of the 'Game' he's clearly intent on ripping off emotionally constipated males, and anyone who swallows his brand of claptrap deserves it.

The Countryfile subtitles on Tyrone blacksmith Barney Devlin were an outrage according to a local DUP politician.

The Shinners complained too, but it doesn't take much to annoy them.

I hope the offended DUP man made his feelings on linguistic respect known to his party colleague Gregory Campbell, unless he was still currying his yoghurt.

Gemma Collins will be haunted forever after three days with no takeaways and some bugs in the celebrity jungle. Drama queen? Moi?

"I was meant to suffer," blubbed the Essex princess, who thinks deprivation is 48 hours without a spray tan.

One dodgy bowel movement and a tummy rumble and she was on the first plane home but thankfully she'll now be 'living my life as Gemma.'

So that'll be spoiled, vacuous, whining business as usual, but at least the local cockroach population and several kangaroo penises have been spared.

Anti-abortion campaigner Bernie Smyth's harassment conviction is a 'disappointment for Christians worldwide' her legal team announced last week.

I know the Margaret Thatcher of unborn babies is a busy woman but did she really have the time to ask every Christian in the entire world for their opinion?

You'd think harassing Dawn Purvis round at the Marie Stopes centre would take up a lot of her day.

I love that the Christian card was played straight away as Bernie strutted from court looking bizarrely like the cat that got the cream, because the divine defence covers everything.

Do you harass women attending the Marie Stopes clinic who may or may not need contraception advice? Yes but I've got God on my side.

Do you sit in judgement on women who choose to have an abortion? Yes, but I'm doing God's work.

Is there any other area of my life you'd like to dictate? Give me a minute and I'll ask Jesus.

We must assume that when Bernie 'you ain't seen harassment yet darling' Smyth is doing meals-on-wheels for community service or admiring the view from her prison cell she'll also have the Lord beside her.

Ends

Benjy the gay bull has been saved from life as a sandwich filling with the help of a donation from The Simpsons' Sam Simon.

The Irish bull will now live out his days in an animal sanctuary listening to his Judy Garland collection after he proved to be as useless with girls as Kim Kardashian in a current affairs quiz.

Iris Robinson insists he's just making a lifestyle choice.

Irish Independent

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