n a career which many would gladly give their Louboutin heels for, Belfast man Sean Loughran has worked at the heart of international fashion, collaborating with leading design houses, supermodels and Vogue magazine.
His heady work life travelling to the world’s fashion capitals from Milan to Paris and New York is even more impressive given that he achieved it all before the age of 25.
Now aged 29 and enjoying a new career as a writer and blogger, he talks for the first time about how his dream job in fashion was overshadowed by an ongoing health battle.
In a moving interview to put the spotlight on men with eating disorders, Sean reveals his struggles with anorexia triggered when he was just 11, as a result of High School bullying in Belfast because of his sexuality.
Now still working through recovery from his illness, Sean has started to pen a memoir of his experiences from growing up in Belfast to working on editorials for fashion bible Vogue.
Now happily settled with a new partner in Vancouver he says: “I feel as though I’m a man in a woman’s world in terms of my illness — men’s eating disorders are highly underreported, and often not diagnosed.
“I’ve been hospitalised a number of times and never met another man in treatment.
“Statistics show that men account for approximately a third of the 70 million people worldwide with eating disorders.
“By talking about it more openly we can remove the stigma. I can empower myself and others and that’s what I hope to do.”
A very driven person, even in his teens, Sean’s career started at the age of 16 when he did a stint as an intern with the director of Belfast Fashion Week, Cathy Martin.
By then he had been struggling with anorexia for four years.
He recalls: “I think I always knew I would work in fashion. I was just 10 when I bought my first copy of Vogue with money I saved up from a paper round.
“It was always my dream to work at Vogue. I was lucky to get an internship with Cathy Martin while still at High School and it just happened to coincide with Belfast Fashion Week.
“That really gave me an insight into what it would be like working with models and an idea of what life would be like beyond Belfast.”
Escaping Belfast was high on Sean’s priority list as bullies at his high school had made living here unbearable.
He recalls how life as he knew it changed dramatically when he entered the local catholic boy’s school at the age of 11: “I grew up Irish dancing competitively, so I developed perfectionist traits early on.
“My eating disorder symptoms started at 11 when I entered high school.
“I was grappling with my sexuality and coming to terms with being gay. I wasn’t out as gay, but I was dragged out of the closet by bullies.
“I was tormented with daily homophobic abuse at school.
“Pro-anorexia websites were trending on the news at the time. I found a community online and started dieting. These sites were eventually banned but it was a place for people to go and I had nowhere else to go.
“Eventually I started binging and purging and using laxatives and diuretics to control my weight.
“I learned I could use it as a coping and distress tolerance tool, and I could use it to numb and dissociate from the daily torture endured at school.
“I think a lot of things felt out of my control. I found puberty a very confusing time. I didn’t want to be gay.”
After a year of making himself vomit after eating, Sean knew he was unwell and decided to seek help from his GP.
However he was horrified to be told by his doctor that boys don’t get eating disorders.
No medical support was offered because his weight was deemed normal.
Anorexia is a serious mental health condition. Sufferers often have a distorted image of their bodies and try to keep their weight as low as possible, becoming ill because they start to starve.
The doctor’s failure to diagnose Sean put him off asking for help for many years and has now prompted him to do what he can to raise awareness of the condition among men.
He says: “It took a lot of courage to ask for help and I was basically ignored.
“It really has held me back. I felt shame and that I wasn’t deserving of treatment. It wasn’t until I was 26 and was near collapse that I plucked up the courage to ask for help again.”
By then he had forged ahead with his career in fashion, enjoying incredible success despite battling mental health.
He recalls: “I started with Cathy Martin as an intern and then when I left school at 18, I went to New York to do an internship for the summer with Catherine Malandrino’s fashion house working in public relations.
“I took regular seasonal trips to New York, Paris, Milan, and London for fashion work and when I was 20, I moved to Paris and was lucky to land a job as first assistant to Azza Yousif, editor at Vogue Hommes.
“Together we collaborated on shoots for American Vogue, with brands like Dior, and with supermodels like Natalia Vodianova and Isabeli Fontana.
“I was very young, and it was an exciting life and very far removed from anything I was used to.
“It is a very image driven and image obsessed world and my eating disorder was thriving in it. But I loved it and it was everything I had hoped for.”
Sean was getting burnt out juggling a jet-setting lifestyle with an eating disorder that had spiralled out of his control.
He decided to slow things down by training to be a yoga teacher and, inspired by the bestselling book and hit movie Eat Pray Love, he sought out a yoga master in India where he spent a few months training.
He then lived in Los Angeles for a while and New York before settling in Toronto where he worked for one of Canada’s most prominent family’s as executive assistant before settling on the west coast in Vancouver.
It was just three years ago at the age of 26 when he hit rock bottom and realised he needed professional help for his illness.
He recalls: “After 15 years, my body signalled that it had reached its limit.
“I had become completely consumed.
Helplines: If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, click here for more information https://www.independent.ie/service/helplines-40487532.html
“I waited until I dropped a significant amount of weight before seeking treatment again, fearing that if my weight wasn't low, I wouldn't be deserving of it.
“Along with increased anxiety, physical pain and gastrointestinal symptoms, test results showed signs of electrolyte imbalances and a low heart rate.
“In September 2019, I was admitted to the Columbia Centre for Eating Disorders in New York and diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.
“I stayed for three months and was the only man on the ward.
“It's very isolating being the only man each time I return to treatment. I know there are millions of other men out there, but there's a huge stigma attached. Our society believes that eating disorders only affect women.
“I had a lot of therapy and group sessions. I came back to Vancouver at the start of the pandemic and found myself recovering while isolated at home 24-7.
“Apart from a couple of Zoom meetings a week I had no in-person support and I relapsed and was admitted to hospital in Vancouver.”
Sean spent most of last year in hospital and never once came across another man being treated for eating disorders.
During the long months in treatment he found comfort in books and started Avocado Diaries, a book review and author interview blog which has grown to become one of the most popular literary blogs in Canada.
He also has a book column with a leading digital outlet and has written for leading publications including The Washington Post and PAPER magazine.
He also writes for Daily Hive, a nationwide digital outlet, where he reports on books, culture, and LGBTQ+ news.
He admits: “Books and writing, along with my treatment team, have kept me alive.
“I also studied for a mental health worker certification while hospitalised last year and I’m using my voice and platform to advocate for other men now.
“I have set up a website for men with eating disorders to find resources and support.”
Sparingly honest about the full impact of the illness he describes it as living daily with “physical and emotional torture”.
He continues: “It's isolating. I feel an incredible amount of shame every time I eat.
“I obsess about food I'll never allow myself to have. I spend a good portion of each day engaging in food rituals, behaviours, compulsive exercise, and body checking.
“I've distanced myself from friends and family. Social media is also a contributing factor in how I see and judge my body, especially with the rise of fitness influencers.
“It’s been with me for most of my life now and is incredibly hard to give up.
“In recovery it is talked about as a grieving process as you are giving up the safety and coping mechanism that has been there for you for so long.
“It helped me to cope during really difficult times in my life and even though it’s destroying my life there is a lot of comfort in it for me. Some people compare it to addiction.”
Studies suggest that risks of mortality are higher for males with eating disorders than for females and that early intervention is critical.
Sean adds: “I’m now starting another four-month residential in therapy with the support of my partner Charlie and a treatment team to whom I owe my life.
“I’m grateful for the support I’ve received in Vancouver. I hope other men feel they can come forward, regardless of their body shape or size, or what society has led them to believe. They are deserving of the same treatment as their female peers. They have always deserved.
“I'm advocating for other men. I hope anyone who needs support will access help on my free confidential men's eating disorder support platform www.menseatingdisordersupport.com.”
If you have any concerns about health issues speak to a medical professional. For support about eating disorders in Northern Ireland, visit www.eatingdisordersni.co.uk
