Sunday 8 December 2019

Dear Maura,

Dear Maura,

I had an affair a year ago, but my husband forgave me and I am so grateful that he took me back.

However, since then he is always keeping after me when I go out. I think he gets jobs for me to do to make sure I don't have any spare time. It's as if he is making sure that I don't wander off and have an affair again.

I'm doing everything to keep him happy, but I don't feel contented. I'm a strong woman, but I'm now a nervous wreck doing everything I can to keep my husband happy.

How long do I have to be like this? When is my probation time over? I've tried to talk to him about what's been going on, but he doesn't want to go there.

As far as he is concerned the affair is behind us. I'm afraid that we will never be the same again. Can you recover from an affair?

Maybe he just couldn't bear to have the marriage end and took me back to save face, not because he wanted to still have me in his life. I just don't know any more and he won't talk about it.

MAURA SAYS: There are issues which were never discussed or worked through after the affair. On one level he wants to rebuild the marriage, but he is not prepared to put in the necessary work to make that happen deep down.

I get the impression that he has slotted you back into his life, but he hasn't fully committed to you or to the marriage.

You will have to try to get him to talk. He needs to vent his anger and disappointment for your affair. It's not normal to just try to pick up where your relationship was without dealing with your past.

The positive is that he wants the marriage to work, it's just that he doesn't want to do the hard work to make it really happen in the fullest sense. That's why there's still tension.

Irish Independent

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