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Thursday 18 January 2018

Jennifer Aniston

So Over: The law of lawfully wedded 

We have been working on a little theory of late. The stereotype of the woman landing a man, getting married and then letting herself go couldn't be further from the present-day situation. In fact, the reverse is true. It used to be that men looked better with age, while women just got overlooked. However, in the last few years - basically since Jennifer Aniston turned 40, by our reckoning - the wives have gotten older and hotter, while their husbands settle into middle-aged dad-dressing with a whiff of relief at no longer having to try.

'I don't have my ovaries doing the bongos yet' 

'God only knows what I'm going to say to you." Elaine Crowley is feeling a little woozy, but in a good way. The charismatic Midday front woman has just had a colonic, and like Princess Diana and Jennifer Aniston before her, she's convinced of its benefits, which sound like they fall somewhere between a Berocca and a Valium. "They work for me", she tells me. "If I get stressed or anything my digestive system goes to havoc. You've a secondary nervous system in your digestive system. If I'm working too hard everything down there...

Spare a thought for Ellie 

If there's one thing the Ellie Goulding/Ed Sheeran/Niall Horan thing has taught us it's that they really don't make celebrity love triangles like they used to. Ed has oh-so-graciously "forgiven" Horan, pictured, for the rumours about the One Direction star cheating with Sheeran's then-girlfriend, Goulding, because the ginger one "got a song out of it." (The song was called Don't). To which we can only say, oi, Ed, DON"T. Because as much as a romantic menage a trois might be evidence that both you lads are men of the world,...

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