Tuesday 18 September 2018

We're sorry. So very, very sorry. THE FIRST ATHEIST SCHISM?

Do you know what happens when ISpy tries to be nice? We get an angry letter for our troubles.

A reader had alerted us to a website for Limerick local election candidate, Pat O'Sullivan.

His campaign seemed refreshing and honest and we were particularly impressed by his slogan: "Pat O'Sullivan, he might be a gobshite, but you can always kick him out next time if you don't like him."

It was a brilliantly honest line and readers from as far away as America got in touch to say that they would vote for someone like that if they got the chance.

There's only one problem -- it wasn't the real Pat O'Sullivan but a fake website set up in his name. And we fell for it.

So we would like to make this officially clear -- Pat O'Sullivan is not, repeat, not a gobshite. Honestly, that is the last time this column will ever be nice about someone ever again.

PLEASE. JUST SOD OFF.

You might be forgiven for thinking now that Jade Goody is dead, this is the last we have heard of the rest of her appalling family. But you would be wrong.

Because it seems the Goodys have become as addicted to publicity as Jade was.

And, having rather hilariously asked for privacy around the time of the funeral -- while posing in a white suit at the graveside reading the bible, of course -- Jackiey Goody is once more pimping out the memory of her dead daughter.

This time, she says that: "I was lying on a sunbed outside my apartment and talking out loud, saying, 'Jade, you told me to call you and I am but you don't answer ... And just then the clouds started moving and from the side of one of them I saw two faces looking down on me. It was Jade -- totally clearly. Her head was still bald but she looked so happy."

Happily, of course, this information was made available to a British magazine -- presumably for the usual fee.

So, there you have it, Jade Goody -- dead, but coming to a cloud near you soon.

THE FIRST ATHEIST SCHISM?

If there's one thing you can take for granted, it's that atheists tend to be a rather cranky bunch. And so it passed the other night at a meeting in Wynn's hotel when the head of Atheist Ireland, Mick Nugent, announced that he was setting up a new church -- the Church Of Dermotology. The tenets of this Church are simple, including: "We believe God sent Dermot Ahern to save Ireland from rational thinking ... We believe ice-cream wafers are literally the body of Dermot Ahern ... Like Scientologists, Dermotologists offer a free personality test. Question 1: Are you vulnerable. Question 2: Do you have money. If you can answer yes to one of those, you're in."

This obviously outraged the assembled Pastafarians who want to adopt the Church Of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as their chosen religion.

Still, it will be the most laid-back religious conflict of all time.

Top Stories

Most Read

Independent Gallery

Your photos

Send us your weather photos promo

Celebrity News