Saturday 20 April 2019

No diva demands here

THIS weekend, Dublin plays host to the world's most famous ass, and its self proclaimed owner, Beyonce Knowles, and she has sent forward her backstage rider for the gig.

Mrs Carter, or Jay Z's mot, has issued a list of "demands" that are so tediously bog-standard, people have been reading it to their children at bedtime. She wants the room kept at 22 degrees. Next up, Jo Malone candles, €50 a pop but a guaranteed neutraliser of the heady aroma of roadie sweat and Liffey wafts, and white furniture, (I'm certain I've seen an identical decor in several southside homes).

On the food list, she wants a turkey deli tray (step forward Centra, it's your time to shine), some fruit, olives, jalapenos and – just in case you were about to berate her for being too healthy – some peanut butter and a bag of Cheetos.

It's about as rock and roll as brushing your teeth and about as diva-esque as donating money to the poor.

Nora Costigan

LIVING THE FOOTIE DREAM

FROM farewells at Lansdowne Road to a bright new era in Irish sport. Martin O'Neill and Roy Keane began their reign from such a low starting point that each five-yard pass to another green shirt was seen as a bona fide, pitchfork-waving revolution in Irish football.

So it will take more than some defeat in a midweek friendly against Serbia to bring an end to the honeymoon period. In fact, the honeymoon period will never end, at least not until the whole thing comes crashing down in flames, which at least will be very exciting, which is all we were really after in the first place.

Much has been discussed over the past days about whether we will ever see a normalisation in our relationship with Keane. Could it be possible to sit with Roy Keane, Republic of Ireland assistant manager, and discuss the humdrum issues of the day without us taking into account all the many things that make him Roy Keane in the first place? Across the water, Roy Hodgson continues to follow his brief to lower English expectations. Thankfully, we are still trading in big ideas, living the dream even if we're not exactly sure what that dream is.

Evan Fanning

GOALIES SIGNAL CHANGE

IF YOU want something changed in this country, there is only one person to ask. An inter-county hurling goalie. If there isn't one available, try asking Panti. But the goalie is your best bet.

It took Donal Og Cusack to come out and prove there are perfectly happy gay people in every walk of Irish life. And last week it took a former goalie to call time on the notion that the GAA is immune to life in modern Ireland. Davey Fitzgerald said he knew there were instances of players taking drugs in the Clare team when he took over as manager in 2011. And he wasn't talking about a skinful of pints. Davey added that he rooted out drug and alcohol use in the team. So, for those cynics out there who wondered how Clare came from nowhere to win the All-Ireland last year, here is the answer. It isn't because they started taking drugs – it's because those who did, stopped. And it took a goalie to highlight that one.

Pat Fitzpatrick

GET OVER YOURSELF-IE

WATCHING the the Oscars last week, a familiar feeling may have come over you. One, perhaps, that you haven't experienced since adolescence, but that you might have more recently recognised in your own children.

It was that awful, cringing, soul-shrivelling sense of mortification that occurs when someone tries to be down with the kids. As Brad and Angelina, Kevin Spacey, Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep went over the top for a mid-Oscars selfie, a wave of withering embarrassment washed over the world. The stars were trying to be like the cool kids and, well, they failed. If everyone wants to be a selfie star, what use do we have for the actual stars?

So, nice work guys, you not only embarrassed yourselves, but gurned your way off your lucrative pedestals, to boot. Oh, but everyone was trying way too hard at last week's Academy Awards. Ellen DeGeneres ran through the audience with pizza and the skinny celebs nearly (bony) elbowed each other out of the way to be seen to want a slice. Being normal seemed to be the role of choice for the night, but, sadly, most of the stars gave a poor performance, and very bad selfie.

Sarah Caden

Sunday Indo Living

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