High-heels? No, put your runners on
Confused by Michelle Obama's birthday invite? We've parsed it for you, so that if you get one in the post this week, you'll know exactly what to do
Eat before you come: This translates to: I'm throwing a party but I couldn't be bothered doing any preparation, as I'd like to spend the whole day getting my nails re-tipped and my hair blow-dried instead of actually doing any work.
Wear comfortable shoes: You thought you were being invited to a glamorous White House bash, and you've spent a fortune on your designer cocktail dress and six-inch strappy sandals. Well, you've wasted your cash -- you are not here to have a good time, you are here to do some light exercise and you should be wearing trainers. After all, Michelle's most successful Washington campaign so far has been her anti-obesity drive, Let's Move. And her party is obviously the latest opportunity for her to hammer home her get fit message.
It's a snack and sip party: If you're lucky, you will be offered the odd cheesy Wotsit by a passing waiter and you may take slow, dainty sips from your glass of Champagne. Anyone found downing Tequila slammers at the bar is likely to be rapidly ejected.