Sunday 21 July 2019

Blood's thicker than water? Not when it's taxed

Ellis O'Hanlon

SO the Cabinet's at war over water charges. No surprise. Fine Gael and Labour are at war over everything these days. If this was a marriage, they'd have "consciously uncoupled", like Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin.

The only thing keeping this equally odd couple together is that neither of them wants custody of the Government's legacy.

This latest row centres on Labour's anxiety about the ability to get re-elected ... sorry, I mean the ability to pay.

Apparently, they're worried the poor won't be able to afford basic necessities once water charges come in. Funny how that never stopped them imposing austerity in all those Budgets, but hey, who said socialism had to be consistent?

Either way, the disagreements in Cabinet are nothing compared to the fights there'll be in houses up and down the land when we have to start paying for water.

"Who left that tap dripping?" "Do you have to stay in the shower so long?" "Washing your hair again? You washed it last week! Do you think I'm made of money?" It's going to make the traditional family quarrels over the immersion look like a walk in the park. Before you know it, leaving the sprinklers on overnight will be the number one cause of marital breakdown in Ireland.

Still, the Government has to do something to keep the water flowing. It's not as if we live in a country where it falls out of the freaking sky all year round. Oh no, wait, we do ...

Eilis O'Hanlon

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