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Another week of bitching

THOUSANDS of animals get slaughtered in Ireland every week just so some drunk can have a batter burger with his chips on the way home from the pub, but all the Green Party seems to care about is stopping a few posh people on horseback chasing stags. Maybe if cows looked as pretty on picture postcards as Bambi and his pals, they'd get protection too.

As if picking on the Ward Union hunt wasn't incitement enough to the country-pursuits lobby, the Greens are also trying to rush more animal protection legislation through the Dail before the recess. The "Dog Breeding Bill" aims to end unlicensed puppy farming, but it's main purpose in public life so far has been to allow culchies to use the word "bitch" on air on a regular basis without incurring the wrath of broadcasters.

All last week on radio came a stream of chaps with thick country accents demanding to know why there's such a fuss about how they treat their breeding bitches, and was anyone trying to say they didn't know how to handle a bitch down the country, because they've been keeping bitches for breeding purposes for years now and the bitches are very happy, thank you very much, despite what's said by poncy Dubliners who let their bitches have the run of the place instead of locking them up in a shed at the back of the farm like any self-respecting husband... er, I mean owner.

Psychologists would've had a field day. These weren't so much Freudian slips as Freudian headlong tumbles. You kept expecting the presenters to interject carefully: "We are still talking about dogs here, aren't we?"

As for complaining they've been bullied into all this sentimental nonsense by politically correct urbanites, well, you know what they say, lads. Life's a bitch.

Eilis O'Hanlon

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