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Week-ipedia - Nothing compares to Gerry for hopeful Sinéad

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Sinead O'Connor

Sinead O'Connor

Sinead O'Connor

Sinead O'Connor's on again/off again relationship with Sinn Fein is a sight to behold.

At one point in the week she appeared to suggest that she would not be joining the party because she would be "bored shitless" waiting for them to get into government.

But later she said she received a supportive email from Gerry Adams, and her application was being processed.

Perhaps she has been inspired by his truly statesmanlike tweets.

As he put it on Thursday: "1st Pilates of 2015 déanta agam. Tough. Thiochfaidh ar aaaaagggghhhhh!"

And to think we suffered 30 years of armed struggle for that.

It is the scientific breakthrough of the decade. Boffins at the University of Califorinia have been trying to crack the greatest problem that has bedevilled breakfast lovers - how to unboil an egg. They may not be as tasty as free range, but eggheads used components of urine and a "vortex fluid device" to uncook a hen's egg.

That's all very well, but can they unscramble an omelette?

Good week

ENDA KENNY

The government finally got a boost when idiotic water protesters targeted the President, who has no power to scrap the tax. One of the protesters shouted “midget paradise” as President Higgins visited a school in Finglas. He later apologised for calling him a “midget”. That was big of him.

APPLE

The tech giants announced record figures in its quarterly results for the final three months of 2014, with its performance boosted by sales of the latest phone. The company said it recorded profits of $18 billion.

It now has a cash pile of $178 bn. Now, about  that tax. If you slip us a few bob...

Bad week

NUTELLA

A French court has stopped parents from naming their baby girl ‘Nutella’ after the popular hazelnut spread, ruling that it would make her the target of derision. The judge ordered that the child be called Ella instead.

There are no freedoms any more, and my son Marmite agrees.

KING TUT

Workers at Cairo’s Egyptian Museum accidentally knocked the braided beard off the burial mask of King Tutankhamun, and the hasty glue job to repair the famous relic may have caused even more damage, according to reports.

Ah sure he looks grand. The hipster look suits him.

Headline of the week

Norwegian soldiers sent on ‘naked jog’ catch frostbite

Daily Telegraph

TwittEire

Facebook was down for a couple of hours during the week and a lot of users reflected on their priorities in life

@antsimpson

“I just want you to know I’ve been thinking a lot about us, and the future and how I want you in my life forev- OH WAIT FACEBOOK’S BACK UP”

So what did the social network’s users get up to when they weren’t pointlessly sharing photos?

@scaryduck

While Facebook was down, I nailed a picture of my breakfast to a tree outside our house. Seven people have knocked to say they liked it.

And when you’re in traffic there’s still time to post a tweet.

@WhispersNews

LTD

#WWN Traffic: ‘Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep! Beeeeep! Beep. Beep. Beep!’ Says driver behind you who is unfamiliar with red lights.

Leinster rugby fans were delighted as les bleus qualified for the next round of the European Champions Cup

@paddytmurray

After that drop goal miss, I can only say God is good and thank God Goode isn’t God. #EPCRugby #leinsterrugby

Indo Review